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The Shocking Truth About Mixed Marriages In Islam

Mixed Marriages In Islam

Any Muslim living in the West has surely come across many examples of mixed marriages in Islam. By this I don’t mean a black person marrying a white person, or an Arab marrying a Pakistani. There’s nothing wrong with interracial marriages.

The kind of mixed marriages I’m talking about are when a Muslim marries a non-Muslim. The most common case is when a Muslim man marries a non-Muslim woman. However, there are several (albeit a much smaller percentage) cases of Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men.

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I’ve talked to hundreds of people about Islam throughout my lifetime and inevitably, the conversation always leads to marriage. One of the biggest problems non-Muslims have with Islamic marriage laws (besides polygamy) is the fact that Muslim men are allowed to marry non-Muslim women, but not the opposite.

Muslim women are not allowed to marry non-Muslim men.

Often I get looks of shock and disbelief when I explain this to non-Muslims. They always exclaim why does Islam allow that? How can we believe that is fair? Isn’t that discriminating against women?

First of all, marrying non-Muslim women is not a privilege. This is not something Muslim men should be proud of.

Secondly, there are all sorts of reasons why this has been allowed for men but not women:

  • It brings fairness for both Muslim and non-Muslim women. If a Muslim man tells his non-Muslim wife he doesn’t want pork in his house, it doesn’t violate her religion to obey his wishes. But if a non-Muslim man tells his Muslim wife he wants to eat pork, he is forcing her to violate her religion.
  • It helps to ensure the survival of Islam. In traditional societies, the children usually adopt the ways of the father. So a children from a mixed marriage will usually follow the father’s religion. As Muslims, it is important that the next generation is raised as Muslim.
  • There’s a better chance of the woman converting to her husband’s faith. Even in modern societies, the husband is usually the dominant partner in a marriage. A strong husband is more likely to convince his wife to accept his faith.

But this article is not about the benefits of mixed marriages. In fact, I would rather talk to you about the dangers and pitfalls of mixed marriages in Islam. I would hope that any Muslim considering marrying a non-Muslim will abandon that idea immediately and instead focus on marrying chaste, believing Muslim women.

Is your relationship in trouble? Click here for practical Islamic advice for Muslim couples.

Two Types Of Mixed Marriages

There are basically two types of mixed marriages: Halal (permissible), and Haraam (forbidden).

Halal mixed marriages occur when a Muslim men marry chaste, Christian or Jewish women.

All other types of mixed marriages are forbidden and are not considered marriages at all in Islam. In fact, they are actually zina (fornication), and sinful.

Too often, Muslim men are quick to jump into a marriage with a non-Muslim woman and ignores these rules. This usually happens when a Muslim man gets involved in a sexual relationship with a Christian woman they are going to school or working with.

And these relationships often start off on the wrong foot also. Most of the time, the Muslim man is dating a non-Muslim woman. Then he decides to marry her and try to make things right with Allah.

The only way to make this “right” with Allah is to truly repent and leave the situation completely, or accept the Islamically prescribed punishment (100 lashes and banishment from the Muslim community for one year).

Allah’s Apostle ordered that an unmarried man who committed illegal sexual intercourse be scourged one hundred lashes and sent into exile for one year.

Bukhari

I cannot say that something is forbidden after Allah has made it permissible. So I will never say that mixed marriages are not allowed. But I am very much against them, especially when it occurs in Western countries where Islamic laws are meaningless.

As I mentioned, most of these marriages start off incorrectly. The next issue is that Muslim men are only allowed to marry chaste non-Muslim women.

It seems people forget this little prerequisite.

And (lawful for you are) chaste women from among the believers and chaste women from among those who were given the Scripture before you, when you have given them their due compensation, desiring chastity, not unlawful sexual intercourse or taking (secret) lovers.

Quran: Chapter 5, verse 5

Therefore mixed marriages in Islam are only allowed when non-Muslim women meet all of the following criteria:

  1. They are belong to either the Christian or Jewish faith. This means we are not allowed to marry Hindus, Buddhists or Atheists.
  2. They are chaste, meaning they have never had sex outside of marriage. They may either be virgins, or divorced or widowed.

Now how likely is it we’re going to find a woman meeting these qualifications in this world? Especially considering the information from this report stating that the average American women loses her virginity at age 17 Prom night anyone?

Many scholars have also passed rulings stating that it is not permissible to marry a non-Muslim while living in a non-Muslim nation. The reason for this is because of the children.

The concern for the children comes up in the case of divorce. I cannot tell you how many people I’ve met in my lifetime who told me their father was Muslim but their mother was not. And then their parents divorced, and the child was raised by the non-Muslim mother.

So by the time that child grows up, they are no longer Muslim. Islam is now lost beyond the father’s generation.

These marriages should be discouraged in the United States and other non-Muslim nations because when the parents divorce, the mother usually gets custody of the children. In a Muslim country, even the corrupt, despotic Muslim countries of today, more often than not, the courts will make sure the children are raised by the father or the father’s family.

This is not to say that this will happen in all mixed marriages. Certainly there are some exceptions. I am personally aware of a few of them:

  • I know a Pakistani Muslim man who married a Catholic woman. Both of their sons are practicing Muslims and the mother eventually converted to Islam.
  • I know an African-American Muslim man who married a Christian woman. She converted to Islam before they divorced and is currently a practicing Muslim. She is raising their children as Muslims.
  • I know an Arab Muslim who married a Christian woman. After several years of marriage she accepted Islam.

Of course there are more examples, but these are the only three that I can think of off the top of my head, that I’ve known personally. This is not a sign of hope; this is actually a sad reality.

Unfortunately, I know many, many more cases where the parents divorced and the children were raised as non-Muslim.

There is another form of mixed marriage which is forbidden: When a Muslim woman marries a non-Muslim man.

This is forbidden and it doesn’t matter if the man is Christian, Jewish, or whatever. This form of marriage is not marriage at all in Islam, and is actually fornication.

O you who have believed, when the believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them. Allah is most knowing as to their faith. And if you know them to be believers, then do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them.

Do you remember the New York politician Anthony Weiner?

I had never heard of this guy until he got caught sending suggestive Tweets to a teenage girl. This was all over the news and eventually he had to resign from his job.

But this story is relevant to this discussion because he is legally married to a Muslim woman. When the story broke, the media glorified her as being a “practicing Muslim.”

The truth is, regardless of how much she prays and fasts, she is sinning every single day by living with a non-Muslim man.

The Worst-Case Scenario For Mixed Marriages

Weinergate notwithstanding, the most common mixed marriage is when a Muslim man marries a Christian woman. As I pointed out earlier, it takes place across the board by Muslims from all backgrounds.

And the absolute worst thing that can happen is that they divorce and the children are raised as Christian.

Very often, the divorce was not amicable so the mother has no inclination towards Islam. In fact, since she knows this would hurt her ex-husband, she might even deliberately keep her kids away from Islam.

And if the husband is not from America and has to go back to his native country, that pretty much seals the deal. The kids will never know anything about their father’s faith.

In my opinion, this is the absolute worst outcome of mixed marriages.

And in my experience, this is the most common outcome of mixed marriages.

And let’s not forget about those Muslims who marry for a green card.

This is a despicable act that happens all too often.

We’ve all heard of these situations when some Muslim man marries a non-Muslim woman just so he can stay in the U.S. That is wrong on so many levels.

First of all, it’s a form of deception. That’s bad enough. But add to that all the hurt and pain these Muslim men are going to cause their wives.

How would they feel if someone used their sister’s like that? As if she was just a tool; or a means to an end.

When (not “if”) they divorce, this will contribute to society’s already negative attitude towards Muslims and Islam. I just don’t see how anyone can use another person in such a heartless manner.

The Sad Truth

And now, I’m going to say something that really hurts to say.

A lot of these mixed marriages are the result of an inferiority complex.

I’m not at all against interracial marriages.

But let’s face it. Many people (Muslims included) still hold Europeans to higher caliber than everyone else on the planet.

A lot of Arab and Pakistani (and yes, many Africans and African-Americans also) are just itching to get their hands on a blonde-haired woman of European descent. In their mind, this is the ultimate standard of beauty. And they’re willing to put Islam on the back burner to reach that standard.

In fact, I’d bet the families of these men would be happier to see them marry a non-Muslim woman of European descent, than a Muslim woman of African descent. That shows just how sick many Muslims are today.

Final Advice About Mixed Marriages

I hope I haven’t hurt anyone’s feelings with this article. I sincerely do mean it when I say I am not against interracial marriages. If it is done to please Allah, then by all means, go for it.

However, I would not encourage a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman. The vast majority of these relationships (as I have seen them) begin and end badly.

There is only one situation where I would advocate or encourage a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman.

Sometimes, a non-Muslim man has a non-Muslim girlfriend and he accepts Islam. Now he has a relationship with this woman and rather than continue having illegal sex with her, he decides to marry her and hope that she’ll accept Islam eventually.

I would encourage this marriage because there is already a connection between the two people and it would be presumptive to ask the man to suddenly leave her.

Obviously, this is even more so for a married man who converts to Islam. There is no reason for him to break up his family and it would be best if he stayed with his non-Muslim wife.

And Allah knows best.

Thinking about getting married? Then you need to read this.

171 Responses to The Shocking Truth About Mixed Marriages In Islam

  1. Abu Ibrahim says:

    I figured this post would cause a little controversy. Here is one email response I’ve received:

    assalaamu 3laykum,

    Please excuse my bluntness, but I don’t like the tone of your article on mixed marriages.

    First of all, ANY marriage (even marriages among non-Muslims) is wrong if it is a fraud for obtaining a green care or an attempt to justify or remedy an extramarital sexual relationship.

    Second, your dislike of marriage between a Muslim and a woman who is from the People of the Book is totally irrelevant. Almighty Allah has told us in the Qur’an that such marriages are lawful. It is not for us to question his revelation.

    Third, all marriages deserve long and hard thought, not just mixed ones.

    Fourth, a few years ago I was privileged to know the imam at a local mosque. He was also a university professor. His wife was a Christian. They had a very good marriage, in which (as far as I know) there was nothing contrary to Allah’s commandments.

    Fifth, what do you mean that the only justification for marriage is “true love”? Do you mean the marital love that develops over time in a couple or the Western notiom of romantic love that is thought to exist BEFORE marriage as a result of dating and a close personal relationship and that motivates two people to get married?

    Muslim marriage is based on mercy, kindness and affection. The first two requirements can and must exist BEFORE marriage. Affection, however, while it should exist to some degree before marriage, is something that must be nutured within the couple AFTER they are together and that, Allah willing, will develop into love.

    In surat alruum, Allah says words that mean:

    He has put muuddat and mercy in your hearts…

    Muuddatin means “affection” and is often translated by “love”. However, “affection” is a better choice because it avoids the suggestion of Western romantic love and instead means tenderness, fondness or propensity for. It is a moderate emotion that may well be present BEFORE marriage and which, with time, will develop into genuine marital love. That love is hubb, which is a stronger, more intimate relationship than muuddat.

    In closing, I must mention Maria the Copt (Allah be pleased with her), a Chrisitian girl given to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be on him) by a foreign prince. There is some disagreement about her status. Some say she was one of the Prophet’s four concubines; others say she was one of his wives. However we do know that he treated like he treated his wives, that she was the only woman except Khadija (Allah be pleased with her) who bore the prophet a son (Ibrahim) and that all those outside the Prophet’s household have always included Maria among those called “mothers of the believers”. Some say Maria became a Muslim; others do not. In any case the relationship between the Prophet, his wives and Maria is similar to the relationship between Prophet Abraham (peace be on him), his wife Sarah (Allah be pleased with her) and Abraham’s concubine Hagar (Allah be pleased with her) who bore Abraham’s son, the Prophet Isma’il (peace be on him).

    You wrote:

    “I would strongly encourage my Muslim brothers to think long and hard before marrying a non-Muslim. And if you are committed to marrying a non-Muslim, please be sure she is inclined to Islam and willing to raise your children as Muslims.”

    This sentence would be equally true if both occurences of the word “non-Muslim” were replaced with the word “Muslim or non-Muslim woman”

    wasalaam,

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Okay, let me answer this email point by point.

      May Allah forgive me if I say anything wrong. I am not perfect and have limited knowledge. So in the beginning and the end, Allah knows best.

      First of all, ANY marriage (even marriages among non-Muslims) is wrong if it is a fraud for obtaining a green care or an attempt to justify or remedy an extramarital sexual relationship.

      This goes without saying. But the topic of the article is not about marriage in general; it is about mixed marriages between Muslims and non-Muslims. So I had no reason to mention this obvious fact.

      Second, your dislike of marriage between a Muslim and a woman who is from the People of the Book is totally irrelevant. Almighty Allah has told us in the Qur’an that such marriages are lawful. It is not for us to question his revelation.

      Allah also says divorce is lawful, but I still dislike it. Allah has made eating roaches permissible…but I still dislike it. I wonder…would you so vehemently defend polygamy? Allah has permitted that also?

      Furthermore, I don’t dislike Muslims marrying non-Muslims…if it is done properly. Meaning, it should be done in a Muslim state and it should meet Islamic criteria.

      Third, all marriages deserve long and hard thought, not just mixed ones.

      You kind of said this already in your first point. But anyway, I don’t need to address this as this article was not about marriages in general.

      Fourth, a few years ago I was privileged to know the imam at a local mosque. He was also a university professor. His wife was a Christian. They had a very good marriage, in which (as far as I know) there was nothing contrary to Allah’s commandments.

      So what? I also mentioned a few success stories in my article (see above). But these are the exceptions when they happen in non-Muslim countries. You also didn’t mention how this professor and his wife met or if their children were raised as practicing Muslims. There’s more to a successful marriage than two people being “happy.”

      Fifth, what do you mean that the only justification for marriage is “true love”? Do you mean the marital love that develops over time in a couple or the Western notiom of romantic love that is thought to exist BEFORE marriage as a result of dating and a close personal relationship and that motivates two people to get married?

      You misquoted me.

      In the e-mail you’re referring to I mention the top three reasons I see Muslims marry non-Muslims. I mention true love as one reason, getting green card as another, and validating a haraam relationship as the third. Of these three, true love is the only valid reason.

      Surely, you cannot disagree with that.

      Muuddatin means “affection” and is often translated by “love”. However, “affection” is a better choice because it avoids the suggestion of Western romantic love and instead means tenderness, fondness or propensity for. It is a moderate emotion that may well be present BEFORE marriage and which, with time, will develop into genuine marital love. That love is hubb, which is a stronger, more intimate relationship than muuddat.

      Cool. Totally irrelevant since you misunderstood my previous point, but cool nonetheless.

      This sentence would be equally true if both occurences of the word “non-Muslim” were replaced with the word “Muslim or non-Muslim woman”

      Once again, this article is not about marriage in general. I’ve written several articles, recorded many videos, and even wrote a book about marriage and relationships between Muslims. There’s no need to remind Muslims again when I’m not writing about that topic.

      You have yet to dispute or negate or prove wrong any of my objections to these mixed marriages they being:

      1. Usually start out wrong with the Muslim dating a non-Muslim
      2. The fact that most of these marriages may be invalid in the first place as the woman is usually not chaste
      3. The idea that some Muslims who do this have an inferiority complex left over from colonialism
      4. That many of these marriages end up in divorce and the children are raised as non-Muslim, especially when done in a non-Muslim country
      5. Even if the parents do stay married, the children are still often raised in a religiously ambiguous fashion.

      Finally, the marriage between Maria and the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) cannot be equally compared to the marriage between Prophet Ibrahim and Hajjar (AS).

      1. As you admit yourself, there’s doubt as to whether Mary the Copt actually accepted Islam. There’s no doubt that Hajjar was a Muslim.
      2. The fact that Mary the Copt gave birth to one of the Prophet’s (pbuh) children is irrelevant. Being the son or wife of a prophet does not guarantee righteousness. Noah (AS) was a prophet and both his wife and his son were doomed to hell.
      3. Hajjar was not just a believer; she was the mother of a Prophet. And not just any prophet, but Prophet Ismail (AS), an ancestor of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

      Besides, if Mary did accept Islam, then this is irrelevant as she would be a Muslim and I have no problems with Muslims marrying other Muslims.

      And if she did not accept Islam and died as a Christian, then she died worshiping Jesus and is of a much lower caliber than Hajjar who worshiped Allah alone.

      So…I’m really not sure why you brought her up. It doesn’t help your argument (whatever it is).

      • That Special One says:

        Hello, I am not sure if I should be getting into this fight but we are all free of giving our opinion so here it goes mine.

        First at all let me talk about myself, I was born in africa, in a small island that many people don’t even know it exists, called Sao Tome, and my parents moved to Portugal when I was 3, I was raised by my parents and they are both Cristians, I went to church and spread the word of god, and eventually was thinking of becoming a priest. Although changed my mind and carried on with my life, I’ve never stolen, or killed no one, not because I was raised in a christian family and it is wrong by god eye, but because my parents always thought me the correct way of behaving if you want to live in society.

        When I was 15 I moved to england, now in my country I had the knowledge of others religions and always respected everyones belief although I stop believing in god my self.

        Now I arrived in the UK 2 months before my birthday, and the first thing I noticed was the ammount of muslims in the country, personally I thought it was great to see how the world is developning and how people are willing to travel and spread their faith.

        Once in the country I finished high school and eventually went to college, where I met this beautiful girl, I must admit I never thought she would become so special in my life…

        Days passed we became friends and we became closer, I had my fair share of relationships but always said I wouldn’t get married because although my parents are married I don’t think u need a document to prove that you love and care for someone. Now going back to the story

        We finished college and we changed campus, now we weren’t in the same class and we both changed courses, we carried on seing each other as good friends we were, and she opened her self with me and told me about what was going on in her life.

        I had a girlfriend at the moment but I still remember the day when she told me she liked me, I didn’t know what to say, as I knew how people have hurt her before and I didn’t want to do the same. I broke up my relationship because I also realised I have always liked this girl, now this happened I was 17 at the time.

        We started going out, although no one knew about it, not even my parents and I normally tell them everything, but we kept it as secret not because I was ashamed but because we were scared of what society or even her parents would do to her if they find out.

        A few weeks after her parents found her a fiance, now she told them from the beginning that she didn’t want to get married with someone she didn’t like or felt the minimum of attraction.

        Her parents forced her, and they booked the venue, they basically prepared everything, weeks later she started talking about commiting suicide or run away and just live in the streets, because she couldn’t bare wake up and have someone she didn’t love touching her, I was always by her side, and supported her, and tried to give her a reason to live, she was just tired of fighting against her family and their beliefes… I did my best to take her mind away of her problems and just live every day as if it was her last because I was deeply scared that it could have been her last. If she just quit of living

        A few weeks in and she stopped cooming college, no one can reach her and no one can reach her parents, now before this happens her mum texted her saying that she knew that she loved someone else and it was a black guy and that she would never support her if she married a black guy.

        A week passed and I still can’t talked with her, and I don’t know what happened, now tell me is that what your god really wants?

        You don’t choose who you fall in love with, does the colour of the skin, religion or nationality should really matter to the point that families preffer their daughter to kill herself instead of being happy with someone she chose?

        You gave many examples of cases where men married non muslim women and it didn’t work, now I know many cases that women married non muslim men and it worked, they have beautiful children and yes they are happy, now they have to spend the rest of their lifes running away because their own comunity chase them and her family wants her dead, now is that right?

        You also said that because men are stronger in the marriage it’s more likely that they would make a women convert than if it was in the other way around now tell me, is it right to convett into something that you don’t believe because the other part wants it? Is it right to convert if not for god, tell me, those women who converted to islam, did they converted for god, or for their husband?

        We are in the 21st century and women still don’t have equals right and religion or skin colour still being used to judge people.

        My own class mate told me that the first day he saw me he had to hide is iphone because he was scared I would still it from him, now tell me how he came to that conclusion? Because of my skin colour? Because I am not muslim like him? Or because I didn’t talk with no one in the first day.

        He has an iphone, and he’s that didn’t go to university and started working when he was 17, might don’t have an iphone not because I can’t afford it but because I preffer other brands, my dad went to university and graduated, also was a teacher in a university. Why people still judging others ?

        Life is short, no matter what you believe, if you believe you are going to born again fine, if you believe you will go to heaven or hell fine, now is it fair to hunt people down because they decided to be different?

        And what makes you think that if a child isn’t raised muslim that is a bad thing? How many boys and girls who are muslim eventually had sexual intercourse before they turn 18, how many smoke?, how many have commited all sorts of sins? And they were raised by muslim parents and under the islamic laws, why is it acceptable to have someone from other religion converting to islam but if a muslim man or woman convert to christianism they are consider as traitors?

        I have a long walk in life, and a lot to learn, but would want my children to live in a world where they were free, not only free of body but also free of soul and with the right of making choices

        Thanks, I am looking forward to read your reply, sorry if I offended anyone it wasn’t my intention, and because of the topic and cases being discussed I couldn’t leave any personal information, although there’s a fact every one should know, I am 17, will turn 18 in a few months, sorry for any spelling mistakes as well

        • Abu Ibrahim says:

          Thank you for commenting and sharing your story.

          First of all, I’m African-American and I live in the United States. So I know a thing or two about racism.

          Islam does not support racism nor does Islam prevent people from getting married because of their race or ethnicity. If your friends parents used that as a reason to reject you (or any other suitor) then they were wrong. That is their own culture coming into play and has nothing to do with Islam.

          You’ve quoted several reasons why Islam forbids Muslim women from marrying non-Muslim men so I don’t have to reiterate them.

          But to answer your question, yes it’s better for a person to be a Muslim who smokes and fornicates and drinks alcohol but still believes in Allah and His Messenger than to be an Atheist who doesn’t do any of that stuff but doesn’t believe in God at all. If I had to choose between the two, I’d choose the former.

          If a Muslim woman marries a non-Muslim man and they have beautiful kids who never curse and graduate from school with honors and get great jobs and marry beautiful spouses but they don’t worship Allah, then that is still a bad thing.

          Furthermore, what you’ve witnessed is open to debate. It’s a fallacy to suggest that all children from such marriages turn out perfect, and that children from valid Islamic marriage turn out all screwed up.

          And no one’s hunting anybody down. Well, there are a lot of non-Muslims hunting Muslims down…but I don’t think you were talking about that.

          • I'm scarred to tell says:

            I would like to be anonymous.

            I’m in Africa and a Christian, I believe we all need to respect each other’s religions.
            I’m so confused with your article as you seem to advocate against for non-mixed marriage(Non-Muslim to a Muslim).I full support you on that but some of your points are as if Muslims are so honest to their belief although they manipulate and defend themselves using the Koran when it suits them.
            Let me just tell you one sad story. A man from Pakistan meet someone I know he didn’t disclose first that he is a legally married with a South Africa. The marriage was for him to get SA citizenship. The mother of the girl heard about this relationship and spoke with both of them the Muslim man and her daughter saying their relationship will always have complications and conflicts as the daughter is a Christian she then advised them to discontinue the relationship as the mother of the girl she will never approve of it.
            That never stopped the couple they continued to a sexual relationship and that was evident because the girl became pregnant. The mother of the girl became devastated and as God fearing women she accepted the baby and loves her dearly. This man then requested to marry the girl and the mother of the girlfriend asked if her daughter will be accepted by his family the response was his mother has not accepted or blessed him to marry the girl and the mother of the girl then also refused to allow her daughter to marry a Muslim man. Let me be blunt and say because of the stories that we’ve had of people losing their kids being KILLED by Muslim man for various reasons is that acceptable for Muslim to kill?
            I should think for one to marry when parents from both sides are not blessing the union should not be allowed. If that has not happen is this Muslim man still loyal to his religion by disregarding the girlfriend parents. I’ve also read that it is wrong to have sex before marriage in Muslim also in Christians the same man had sex before marriage and impregnate the Christian girl before they got married.
            I will try and be short they had a second girl .The mother of the girl became scarred of completely losing her child and kept contact with her daughter. The family of the girl became shocked to find her wearing the Muslim clothes but she remained a confused person as when she find a chance will go to Christian church with the kids although against the husband’s will. As I said this man really does certain thing that are not Muslim teaching when it suits him he will allow the wife to spend maybe 3months with her mother who is a loyal Christian with her kids and during that time kids will undergo everything that Christians do both girls have been baptised according to Christian religion. The girl in her family is not regarded as married women as that didn’t go according to the girl’s culture.
            I’m interested to know if this is an ideal marriage because the girl left the husband when she felt she is leaving a life were she can never be happy she does not accept the other wife and was asked to look after the kids not to go to work, so now she is financially dependent, she does not make decisions and always have to be indoors not to visit friends and family. The girl now has major depression and the man keep asking her to go back to him he wants his family. My question who is he referring to as his family because the girl according to me have betrayed him as well .Will he treat her well or he just want the kids. The family of the girl mourns the loss as the girl as she escaped and went back to him and said she is doing so for her kids because either way she will never be happy as this man will hunt them and he can even kill the girls if they will end up raised by Christians as Christians.
            She might go with this man to his homeland. On our side we think that will be the last Day for us to see her. In your article you didn’t mention what the Muslim man are capable of but just mention the sadness of Muslim kids turning to be full Christians what is better allow them to convert and spare their lives or to kill them if you can’t have them. The mother of these girls have completely changed she have a low self-esteem and is unable to make any decisions for herself she is just a puppet. All she says she still loves the husband is it love or she is afraid of this man? Let me end here for now. English is not my first language you will bear with my grammar.

          • Abu Ibrahim says:

            You’re scared? Are you serious?

            Anyway, while your story is interesting, it’s pointless.

            From my point of view, it’s hearsay. You’re telling me about something that happened to someone else. It’s a tragic story, but there are countless tragedies all over the world.

            Even if it is true, what does that prove? It proves the guy you’re talking about is a jerk. A Muslim jerk. Big deal. There are also Christian jerks, Buddhist jerks, Hindu jerks, Jewish jerks, Atheist jerks, and whatever other prefix you want to add. This same story has happened a million times over but with different players from different faiths.

            And still assuming it’s true, the girl bears some responsibility for her plight. She wasn’t raped. You didn’t mention that she was mentally unstable or under aged. She made the choice to have sex with this jerk and have his baby which put her into this predicament.

            Certainly, the guy is wrong (assuming your story is true, that is), but the girl was foolish. If the relationship is so bad, she should leave him and go back to her family.

      • noma says:

        you seem to be going on and on about how the non muslim woman should be chaste, what about the man? incase you are not aware, a lot of the muslim women that you think are chaste and they hide under hijabs are actually not. it is rather offensive to imply that muslim women are the only chaste ones, if genuinely think that, its a shame

      • SA girl says:

        I’m a christian frm SA my take on this is I don’t understand why there are arguments about God I mean really about God no one can be perfect on God’s eye he said it himself that “he is the God of forgiveness” meaning we are all imperfect time to time we MUST pray for foguveness to our sins to God, so you muslims and other christians who are busy throwing debates about God can I ask 1 question to both of you who is perfect? Can u muslims stand before God and say we are perfect? Can you if you can’t answer that question then stop judging leave God to his work of judging bcaz he created us and only him knows us better and remember if I sin he is the one to forgive my sins and purify me not you muslims or any christians I don’t like it when people argue abt God bcaz we are all imperfect and STOP IT! Is not intertaining and will marry any man God send to me either muslim,jewish any bcaz what God put together no man shall separate thank you

        • Abu Ibrahim says:

          Thank you for your comment and I do appreciate your opinion.

          My argument is not about whether any of us are perfect because none of us are. My argument is whether it is beneficial to Islam as a religion and a nation for Muslims to marry non-Muslims.

          My point is to warn Muslims who are sincere about their faith about the potential problems that may arise from this situation.

    • Chazidee Limame says:

      I would like to add my in-put. I am a christain American who fell inlove with my husband in 2004 who is of Tunisian decent. We are currently going through a divorce. He filed for the divorce. I do not want a divorce and I pray and hope to reconcile with him, but he is unwilling. He has now moved on to another women, who is of his decent. I have remained pure sexually and in all matters of my life. He has moved on already and we are not even divorced yet. You keep bringing up children of mixed marriages, in the instance of divorce, that if the children are brought up non-muslim that this would be a disgrace. I am a christian and a obedient women to God, more so than my muslim husband. I teach my children my faith and I pray to God that my children come to serve the only true God, Jehovah!

      • I think I replied to you by email also, but I’ll respond to this comment as well.

        From an Islamic point of view, he can marry a second wife even if your divorce is not finalized. So he is not necessarily doing anything wrong in that regard.

        I do not know what other things he may have done in his life, but from your email there was a lot of drama between the two of you.

        But the fact that you’re committed to raising your children as Christians is further evidence why Muslim men should be very cautious about marrying women outside their faith.

        It is unfortunate that your marriage is falling apart, and I pray that Allah makes it easy for everyone involved.

        • You say that my husband can be married to another women while still be married to me, but I cannot see how when polygamy was abolished in Tunisia in 1956, and it is certainly illegal in America to have more than one wife. Do you mean that he can have a wife in America and a wife in his homeland? This other women that he is speaking to is also married to another man with a daughter. That is why I said is is worse off than be because he is talking to a married women that he had a love affair with 9 years ago, before we got married.

          • Tunisia was wrong to abolish polygamy as they have made haraam (forbidden) something that Allah has made permissible.

            In America, while it is illegal, it is rarely enforced. On those rare occasions that a man does marry a second wife, he usually does not have it done in the courts. It is just done using a religious ceremony.

            For your situation, this is a very strange case. If he’s just “speaking” to her, that is not good and it may lead to something even more evil. But just speaking to a married woman, in and of itself, is not a sin. If he’s attracted to her, then he should certainly stop because he’s causing corruption in his life and hers.

            What he’s doing has nothing to do with the Islamic concept of polygamy. It sounds as if your husband is playing with fire and may get himself into a lot of trouble if he doesn’t stop immediately.

        • SA girl says:

          This Is not about muslim or christian just the human imperfectiond please don’t let this muslim christian satanic arguments get in your head just pray that God will show you the way and stay purified to God serve him with all your heart you will see miracle of blessings and love of the creator will happen in your live love you and be strong and please pray that God give you more wisdom ~ as for children honey raise them i won’t let any lady or anyone raise children I carried for 9mnths in my stomach then I’m no longer a mother that God said I must be ~ follow God’s words don’t let this imperfect humans make loose your way again I love you take care

  2. David says:

    I read this article and both comments with great interest. I should say from the start that I am not a Muslim and that I live in Scotland. I have attended ceremonies for three different interfaith couples. Two have been of Scottish lawyers marrying Muslim women who were also lawyers. One was of Muslim doctor who married a Jewish woman. This ceremony took place on a Friday and was conducted by a rabbi. We had to wait for the groom to finish saying his prayers at the mosque before coming to the gardens of a family house for the wedding. The rabbi told me that he had conducted another Muslim-Jewish wedding together with an imam in London. My point is that whatever the Koran, Islamic tradition and scholars teach, there is the reality of people’s lives. If you live in a large urban western societies you are potentially going to meet and fall in love with people from all sorts of different backgrounds and faiths. A friend of mine who is an anthropologist says that you can already see the development of a more liberal form of Islam in the West, which mirrors the reformation of the Protestant Church from the Catholic Church. I know that Islamic traditionalists strongly oppose this, but I also hope they will not resort to the violence and prejudice that was a part of European life for hundreds of years.
    My friend also points out that what is happening is that a lot of Muslim women are going to university and entering the professions like law and medicine. They wish to have partners who are similarly educated and with whom they can share certain values. The number of Muslim men doing this are more limited. Many in Scotland run small shops or drive taxis. This is the reason why many Muslim women are marrying non-Muslim men and if the Islamic community wishes to retain their affiliation they are in some way either going to have to accept this new situation, or these new liberal Islamic associations will grow. The children of Muslim immigrants who came to this country mainly from Pakistan, Iran and more recently Iraq, Indonesia, Singapore and Afganistan have very different attitudes to those of their parents and grandparents, not withstanding having also had a good Islamic education. Telling Muslim women not to marry non-Muslim men does not stop them from doing so. It just expresses the anger and frustration of those issuing such reprimands. Since secular society here accepts the union between two men and two women, it can not be long before some kind of Islamic religious ceremony will be asked for by such couples, whether they are both Muslims, or interfaith. This is a situation which already confronts the churches. Catholics (at least officially) are very much against this, but most Protestants are more relaxed and willing to have such ceremonies, even though many Christians believe this is against the teachings found in the Bible. If Imams are unwilling, or unable to support such couples and their families they will go where they are accepted and welcomed and I am not sure that this will help the Muslim community.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Thank you for your comment David. You bring up some interesting points.

      I agree that Western Muslims tend to be more liberal than Muslims from Africa, Middle East and Asia. But I think you’re overstating that liberalism.

      I believe I am a typical American Muslim. I was born and raised in the US. I was raised in New York City (you can’t get more liberal than that). I am also African-American who typically support liberal and left-leaning politicians.

      Yet, I can assure, more Muslims lean towards my “conservative” thinking than the liberal, progressive, mutation of Islam you’re referring to. For sure, that form of Islam does exist in America. But as of now, it holds little to no credence with the vast majority of American Muslims.

      Also, I don’t necessarily think that a more liberal Islam is wrong or goes against the true teachings of Islam. Islam should not be as liberal as what you’re alluring to; but Islam is definitely more accepting and accommodating than most “traditional” Muslim cultures would have us believe.

      For example, in many (maybe even most) “traditional” Muslim societies, it is forbidden for women to marry other Muslims outside their ethnic group. I don’t know if it still exists, but there was once a rule that forbade Saudi women from marrying foreigners; even if they were Muslim!

      That is a form of traditionalism that has no place in Islam. Muslims in America carry some of that same foolishness, but to a much, much lesser extent.

      Another mistake you might be making (we can’t be sure since much of your comments are about things that may or may not happen in the future) is assuming that Islam will follow the same path as Christianity and Judaism. You assume (and I’ve heard this assumption from many others as well) that Islam will gradually become the limp, wimpy, ineffectual private faith that modern Christianity and Judaism has become.

      But Islam is not like other faiths. Once again, I come from a very liberal/progressive background. Yet, you probably still consider me very traditional, old-fashioned, and conservative. Even if Muslims are willing to accept same-sex marriages as a part of America, there is no chance we’ll accept is as part of Islam. Not now. Inshallah, not ever.

      Another thing to remember is that we live in a different time than the Christians did during the Reformation and rise of secularism. Even we “old-fashioned” Muslims have access to the internet and modern technology. Just think about it: I am able to reach almost 50000 people a month from this simple blog that I run. There are many more Muslim organizations, with much more resources that still preach and teach authentic Islamic values.

      For example, take Bilal Philips. You may have never heard of him, but do a Google search or listen to some of his videos on YouTube. If you think I’m stodgy and conservative, wait until you see him.

      Bilal Philips has created an online Islamic university that currently has thousands (yes…thousands!) of Muslims enrolled (myself included). These students are getting authentic Islamic education no matter where they are in the world, no matter what their income level. All they need is a computer and an internet connection.

      Not to mention, most of the people enrolled in this school are younger than me (I’m 35). And since the courses are all in English, it’s safe to assume most of the students are from the U.S., Canada, and Western Europe.

      We old-fashioned Muslims aren’t going anywhere just yet.

      As for your belief that we must accept those Muslims who want to deviate and distort Islam by trying to force immoral practices into the faith or risk losing them…I’d rather lose them. Good riddance. We don’t need them and they are just a cancer that needs to be removed. If they can separate themselves from real Muslims physically and socially, then that’s fine.

      Also, Islam in America is different from Islam in Europe. You mention how there are few men getting into professional careers in Ireland. That’s not happening here. Go to any Mosque in America with a sizable Pakistani or Arab population and you’ll find that many of the men are doctors and engineers.

      Finally, keep in mind that neither the U.S. nor Europe is the center of the Islamic world. So just because we do things a little different here, doesn’t mean it will have much impact on the rest of the Muslim world. The center of the Muslim world is still (for better or worse) the Arabian Peninsula and then the Indian subcontinent a close second. Though they’ve made some changes, these parts of the world are still very much steeped in traditional values (sometimes to their detriment in my opinion).

      And one more thing…let’s not forget that the American economy is limping along and Europe appears to be in even worse condition (Greece, anyone?). It may not be long before we see Muslims living in these countries moving back to the East (where all the action is these days) in search of better opportunities. So we may very well see Islam becoming even more conservative in the future, Inshallah.

      But that’s just speculation. So far.

      As for the benefits of secularism at a whole, we’ve all seen in the past year and a half that this is an illusion. Egypt, Tunisia, Libya, Syria, and Iraq are all secular nations. Yet, the people in all of these countries suffered living under secularism. And in all of them (Iraq and Libya got a some outside help) the people have gotten rid of them or are trying to do so.

      So I don’t buy into this BS that secularism is better; so far the worst wars in history (WWI, WWII, and the War on Terrorism) have been led by secular nations trying to bring “peace” to the world.

    • Chandra says:

      I can’t stop laughing because I live in New York where extremely educated women or men are arranged to marry the opposite sex and or cousin from their country and even though they are grown enough to make their own choice, the respect for their parents and the honor of the family is usually put at stake by rejecting these proposals. Which leads me to believe that the fear instilled in majority of western Islamic homes creates a lack of relationship between parents and their children. They accommodate and sacrifice for their parents. Saying this I would hope my children feel comfortable about approaching my husband and I, because if they live in fear they will hide everything from us. How can you protect and choose a spouse for your child when you barely have a relationship with them. Most Muslim children are 100 percent different with their parents than they are outside of their homes ( children in general are…) but the fear instilled in Islam and Muslim cultures creates a barrier, one that won’t ever be acknowledged because noone has the heart to speak out. I can see it with my husband and how he changes at home verses outside. Western parents might also benefit from balancing the parent/friend role better. My view is of course one sided due to my life’s situation. Marrying into a Muslim family while claiming no specific faith.

      • Abu Ibrahim says:

        but the fear instilled in Islam and Muslim cultures creates a barrier

        This shows you know nothing about Islam or Muslims. I grew up in NYC (Brooklyn to be exact) and I’m surprised you can’t find a better picture of Islam than what you’ve described. This shows that you’ve either got a blockade in your head against Islam or you’re just plain anti-Muslim.

        I reiterate my previous statement, your husband is making a HUGE mistake marrying you. I pray Allah gives him someone better who respects Islam and Muslims more.

        • noma says:

          ‘I reiterate my previous statement, your husband is making a HUGE mistake marrying you. I pray Allah gives him someone better who respects Islam and Muslims more.’

          honestly, you have no respect for other people and eveidently, espcially for women. Who are you to decide whether her husband is making a mistake or nor? It is because of people like you that many non muslims believe muslim men have no respect for women, e sad part is that most of you are not even worth it, you lie, cheat, fornicate and are mostly drunkards but when you talk about faith and judge others you make it sound as if you are all holy.

          • noma says:

            Maybe muslims lke you should start respecting other people’s religion and stop trying to be superior about everything, i have no problem with Islam at all but narow minded people tht practise it just make it al appalling and by the way, most my frieds are muslim, it is true that the relationships they have with parents are really bad, there is just too much fear and in most cases they end up sufferring because when things get really bad they can not even tun to their parents

          • Abu Ibrahim says:

            If I didn’t think Islam was superior to other faiths, I wouldn’t be Muslim.

            I know how you feel. You’re used to hearing these wet-noodle Muslims talk that “Islam is peace” stuff and can’t stand hearing a Muslim who knows with full conviction that Islam is the truth and isn’t afraid to tell the world the same thing.

            Islam is the truth. Allah has given us the truth. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) came with the truth. The Quran is the truth.

            Everything else, including Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Atheism, and whatever else is out there, is falsehood.

            End of story.

          • Abu Ibrahim says:

            Her Muslim husband married someone who has a negative view of Islam. Unless she repents and accepts Islam, her husband has made a mistake as his children will most likely not practice Islam.

            That is a mistake.

      • Kim says:

        Chandra, I agree with you.I am a divorced non muslim Christian woman I have been with my muslim guy for almost 7 years. The first 5+ years were very rough because he was drinking a lot and was abusive. I stood by him and helped him navigate the mental health system and He got the help he needs and made many positive changes. Since meeting me, he has quit smoking and drinking. I have wanted to meet his family all these years and was given one excuse after another. As it turns out, the real reason is this, none of her 8 children have been allowed to bring their significant others to meet her. She send me food she has cooked on occasion and does not hate me, but she will not meet me. She does not want to set a precedent for that in the house. He and I are at a crossroads in mmmthis relationship because it is very important to me to get along well with his family. Unfortunately, the sad truth is we cannot overcome our differences. I was naive to think my openmindedness and willingness to learn all about Islam and his culture make a difference. It does not and the way I have been rejected is hurtful to me. Although I love him, I have to love myself more and I must move on. I have learned a valuable lesson here.

  3. kia says:

    As-Salamu Alakium

    Thank you brother for that positive and realistic article. Mixed marriages between Christian women and Muslim men are often times a result of Muslim men inferiority complexes. In addition, many muslim men especially the foreign men believe European women are the epitome of beauty. Oftentimes many foreign men (of Arab Pakistani or African) descent believe if they live in a western country, somehow by marrying a white “christian” female, they are so how validated and “made it”. It is very sad. I speak on experience. I am American female married to an Arab man and it is unbelieveable how many Arab men desire unchaste, poor, fat, uncivilized Caucasian women simply for the fact that they have white skin and blonde hair. Even my own husband will steal a glance at some ordinary white woman. Many of these men are mentally ill. They have been duped by Western Imperialism and the western controlled media. They have no idea how pitiful they look wanting a so called “christian” white woman over a pure, righteous, Chaste and clean MUslimah. These sort of Muslim men are lost in my humble opinion. It’s best to make Duaa for them in the hopes that they return to the pure authentic beauty of Islam and beauty of choosing a rightful and Muslim spouse.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Wa Alaikum Salaam Sr. Kia,

      Thank you also for providing your thoughts. As you can see from the email I posted, not everyone agrees with me. I’ve also had some people on the ILM Facebook page give me a piece of their mind.

      I cannot make haraam what Allah has made halaal, so I am definitely trying to do that. I just want Muslim brothers to understand the reality of getting into a mixed marriage. Some people say we have to think deeply about any marriage, and yes, that is true to a certain extent.

      But if a Muslim man and Muslim woman divorce, at least the father knows his ex-wife will raise his children as Muslim and won’t feed them pork and won’t encourage them to date and wear haraam clothing. They really need to think about this before marrying someone for status, looks, or a green card.

    • jan says:

      Salaam alaykum. I am a caucasian american woman who married my arab husband 9 years ago. Allah(swt) created me just as he has created you; therefore, if you are a true believer you should not make such negative comments about Allahs(swt) will or creations. White women are just as beautiful as arab women etc…Allah(swt) usedmy husband as a way to guidr me to the truth which is Islam alhamdulillah. I am extremely grateful to Allah(swt) or this. I dont think it is wise for you all to judge this since it is the will of Allah(swt). It is not very Islamic of you to have such jealousy, hatred, and discrimination in your hearts. So please, focus on yourselves and what you can do to improve yourselves as we all should instead of judging others. Allah(swt) is our one and only judge, He does not need anyones help. It seems very arrogant to me that you would question how Allah(swt) guides people to Islam. May Allah(swt) guide us all.

      • Wa Alaikum Salaam Jan,

        I was reluctant to put in that part about Muslim men marrying Caucasian non-Muslims as I know it can touch some very deep nerves. And it is not meant as a knock against Arab/African/Pakistani men who marry white Muslim women.

        But many non-white people have a serious inferiority complex, both Muslim and non-Muslim. That is definitely evident in the United States, where African-Americans were led to believe for centuries that they were an inferior race.

        And it also happens in other countries where European nations colonized and controlled the destinies of their non-White subjects for years.

        Unfortunately, many men have an idealized view of the perfect woman. And that woman looks like Barbie.

        There is nothing wrong with people from different races marrying; that’s fine and perfectly allowable in Islam. But there is a problem when people do so because of an inferiority complex, or because they believe that marrying a White person make them better or that a white spouse is better than a spouse of another race.

        Now as for marrying women outside Islam, I stand by my statements on that. Alhamdulillah, it is good that you accepted Islam. I know of many other cases like yours where the non-Muslim wife eventually does accept Islam after marrying a Muslim husband.

        But that’s the exception. Most of these marriages, the woman does not become Muslim. And in many cases they divorce and the kids are raised as non-Muslim. I know too many instances of young men and women with Muslim last names, but were raised eating pork and worshiping Jesus. And all because their Muslim father and non-Muslim mother divorced many years earlier.

        For Muslim men who are concerned about their children being raised as Muslims, I would suggest they marry a committed Muslim woman (of any ethnicity). That would almost guarantee that his children will be raised worshiping Allah and following the teachings of His last and final Messenger (pbuh).

        • TK says:

          I am a Christian who will marry a Muslim man this year, after long consideration from both sides. And I would like to correct you on this vital point: “raised eating pork and worshiping Jesus”. The Bible clearly says: Don’t eat pork. And Christians don’t worship Jesus. Maybe they do in America, but here in Northern Europe we don’t. “For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.”
          I will raise my children as Muslims, because I see that Islam is a stronger religion when it comes to practising. Personally I could have raised them as Jews, Christians or Muslims – as long as they will know when troubles come and they are on their own that God is always there to listen when they pray, my own heart will be content. And every Christmas I will carry the miracle in my heart, and celebrate it with my parents instead of bringing confusion to the minds of my children. Since we live in a Christian country Christmas will inevitably be all over, but they will probably see more of Santa and gifts than of Jesus, as this is the sad turn society is taking. Every prophet of every time just wanted to convey the simple message; worship God, and Him alone. Do not make the mistake of confusing any religion with todays poor followers. In my country, I see so many examples of both Muslims and Christians who sin all day and night, so I am marrying someone so strong in faith that I will never ever forget my God or run out of ways to discuss Him. A lot of people say that Allah and God are not one and the same, but the God of Abraham is our common, one God and so marrying a good BELIEVER should come above all of this. If I hadn’t read about islam countless times or started reading the Quran while I was going over and over The Holy Bible to make sure this could be done, maybe I would have strong fears. But God’s will is God’s will, and He somehow chose to bring a Muslim into my life and make him the most suitable man for marriage, and I trust that. None of us planned for this, as we are both aware of the many who will judge us based on lack of knowledge, ignorance and in addition – racism. So I can’t look at him with disappointment that he is not Christian, instead I look at him and see a good Muslim, and my heart is filled with joy that I have finally found someone whose eyes burn with love for his Creator. God is merciful, and He gave me free will to act and a mind to reflect upon my acts. Maybe my husband to be’s sister is right when she says that my religion is the older generation of hers. Maybe I will convert some day. Maybe I won’t. The important thing is that I am “old fashioned” enough to live in a household where my husband has the last word, without feeling choked. That I can teach him things as well as he is teaching me. For I believe in the Bible’s words when it says “Love never fails”.

          • Abu Ibrahim says:

            I agree that the Bible prohibits eating pork. It also prohibits worshiping Jesus.

            But the fact remains that most Christians in the world’s largest Christian nation (the USA) do both.

            I’m not talking about what people do or their individual sins. We all sin. But the beliefs held by Christians are completely against Islam, and it is a tenet of Christianity to worship Jesus. You can dress it up any way you want, but it all comes down to the same thing.

            Christians and Jews are People of the Book; they’re not Believers in the Islamic sense.

            Allah says:

            Verily the believers are those who believe in Allah and His Messenger (Muhammad) then do not have doubt and struggle in His way with their selves and their wealth.
            Chapter 49, verse 15.

            If you believe that Prophet Muhammad came with the truth and that the Quran is the divine word of Allah, then you’re Muslim and a believer. If not, then you’re something else.

            “Love never fails?” C’mon. Grow up.

      • SA girl says:

        People can you stop with judgemental thoughts they are not entertaining we are all children of God, God created everything and muslims are you God? And can you muslims face God and say you are perfect humans can you? Well answer is NO, no one is perfect and no one is too holy or halal only God is the righteousness God, so STOP JUDGING you are not God and you don’t know anything about the kingdom so we are all human creation of God ~ who you love is not of any1′s choice if you are a true muslim and christian you should know better that a husband or wife comes from God not from us if you are muslim you love christian or any living being your heart Desire go for it only if you ask God for a wife or husband its his duty to provide and not for us to judge, if I am a woman I get divorce its my duty as the mother to raise my children and the husband duty is to provide for us that’s what God want not muslims most of muslims want to be God and that won’t be possible and again we all human as the creators said we are all imperfect no one is perfect ~ please STOP arguements about GOD/ALLAH is not good stop it you muslims and christians non of you are perfect you busy making a huge sin fighting about God and you think is right let me tell you is NOT RIGHT! Serve your lord the way you feel confortable in and look at yourself before you point fingers at others ~ love you all your my brothers nd sisters I hope I didn’t hurt any feelings just putting down my thoughts

    • noma says:

      the amount of disrespect you people have is unbelievable!!!!
      Abu Ibrahim’s edit: Noma is trolling a bit too much. The rest of his/her comment has been removed.

  4. kia says:

    I will also like to add that from my own observations, I have seen MANY Arab men marry these so called “Christian” Caucasian women ONLY to have divorced them two or three years later. In my hometown alone, I know of 5 Arab brothers who got duped into believeing White women were their be all end all of a marriage. Now as I leave this comment, ALL of those brothers are DIVORCED and have gone on to marry Muslimahs from their own country or from other Muslim countries. It is sad but many Arab people have unintentionally been duped into this so called “Western secular” society. They should return to Islam and reality instead of watching the TV and movies.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      That is sad. And this causes problems for both sides; the non-Muslim ex-wife and the Muslim ex-husband.

      I have no problem with interracial marriages, except when it’s done because one party thinks a certain race is “better” or more “valuable” than others (including their own). It is a very serious inferiority complex.

      That being said, I have known a couple of Arabs here in the US who married Caucasian women and their wives wound up accepting Islam and actually becoming more active Muslims than their husbands.

      But those were the rare exceptions.

  5. kia says:

    As-Salaamu Alakium

    Yes Bro. there are cases when Muslim men marry sincere Christian women who later end up reverting to Islam. I know of two cases in which these Muslim men married American reverts who were sincerely pious and strong Muslimahs (May Allah protect them). Unfortunately these are an exception rather than the rule.

  6. ali says:

    salaam

    the article is nonesense because you are encouraging and discouraging based on your own desires not based on the religious instructions.

    the religion has adressed the issue of encouragement and discouragement and has not left space for your openion.

    using the statistics of failing inter religion marriages as a proof is very in accurate …… as you know statistics are saying that 70% of marriages are ending in divorce and the majority of them are not inter religion!!!! so can we draw a conclusion that same religion marriges are failed???

    marriage is generally mustahab ( encouraged) in islam and this includes polygyny and you seem to oppose that too

    but you need to provide evidence not just state an openion

    your use of the statistics was faulty because you point fingers at high failiure rate of inter religion marriages as if the total marriages have a good sucess rate !!!!! but the reality is this alleged failiure is propably within the common statistics that appplies to any ordinary marriage

    when the quraan sanctioned the marriage to ahlulkitab females it mentioned “muhsanat”
    muhsanat doesnt mean ” chaste” but rather linguisticly means protected or shielded

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Wa Alaikum Salaam,

      You either did not read the post thoroughly, or you have a poor command of the English language. You are ridiculously off point.

      the article is nonesense because you are encouraging and discouraging based on your own desires not based on the religious instructions.

      This comment makes no sense. Allah has not “instructed” us to marry non-Muslim women. He has allowed us. That’s it. There’s no do or don’t in this issue. It’s a matter of choice.

      the religion has adressed the issue of encouragement and discouragement and has not left space for your openion.

      Wrong again. We do have a right to have an opinion and give advice on things, even if Allah has made it permissible. As I mentioned in an earlier comment, Allah has made divorce permissible. However, most people certainly do find it distasteful and rightfully so. But divorce is allowed because it is needed in certain circumstances. Same thing with mixed marriages. It is needed in certain circumstances and Allah has allowed it. That doesn’t mean that I have to like the way everyone does it or that I have to like every possible scenario in which a mixed marriage can occur.

      using the statistics of failing inter religion marriages as a proof is very in accurate …… as you know statistics are saying that 70% of marriages are ending in divorce and the majority of them are not inter religion!!!! so can we draw a conclusion that same religion marriges are failed???

      I didn’t use any statistics. What are you talking about?

      Besides, you’re bringing up an argument that I did not even use. I never said people shouldn’t get involved in mixed marriages because they fail often. I gave a whole lot of reasons why Muslim men should stay away from mixed marriages, but eventual divorce was not one of them.

      So either you’re deliberately lying, or you did not read the article completely, or your English is bad.

      marriage is generally mustahab ( encouraged) in islam and this includes polygyny and you seem to oppose that too

      LOL. Now I know you didn’t read the article thoroughly. I did not say a single thing against polgyny. And anyone who knows me knows that I wholeheartedly support polygyny. And I’ve written several articles within this website indicating that I support it also. You’re making this too easy for me. Did you even read the article or did you just skim over the first line in each paragraph?

      but you need to provide evidence not just state an openion

      Says who? Why can’t I state an opinion? I live in America which allows free speech. So I can say whatever I want. Besides, this is advice to Muslims and most advice is going to have some opinion in it.

      Besides, I gave quite a bit of anecdotal evidence supporting my claim.

      your use of the statistics was faulty because you point fingers at high failiure rate of inter religion marriages as if the total marriages have a good sucess rate !!!!! but the reality is this alleged failiure is propably within the common statistics that appplies to any ordinary marriage

      Once again….I DID NOT USE STATISTICS!!!! Where are you getting this from? There are no percentages in this article. There are no numbers. There are no stats. You’re the one quoting statistics and numbers and figures with no proof or evidence.

      Furthermore, this article isn’t about marriage in general. I’ve already written a whole bunch of articles on that topic. This article is about mixed marriages.

      when the quraan sanctioned the marriage to ahlulkitab females it mentioned “muhsanat” muhsanat doesnt mean ” chaste” but rather linguisticly means protected or shielded

      Click on this link (Surah Maaidah Verse 5) and click on all the different English translations on the side. Read each translation. All but one of them says “chaste.”

      NONE of them say “shielded” or “guarded.”

      And what’s your point anyway? Are you saying that it’s permissible to marry non-Muslim women who are not chaste? You’re saying Muslim men can marry Christian and Jewish women who have previously had sexual intercourse outside of marriage?

      That’s a strange since Allah has forbidden Muslims from marrying OTHER MUSLIMS who are not chaste!!!

      The fornicator does not marry except a [female] fornicator or polytheist, and none marries her except a fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been made unlawful to the believers. Chapter 24, verse 3.

      This verse is talking about the punishment for MUSLIMS who have sexual intercourse outside of marriage. Chaste Muslims are not supposed to marry unchaste MUSLIMS (unless they repent)!!!!

      So how can you even suggest that that it’s okay tp marry unchaste NON-MUSLIM women? That’s crazy!

  7. Carmen says:

    When you say that Muslim men should only marry ‘Chaste’ Muslim or non-Muslim women (Christian or Jewish) does this go to say that if a woman has chosen to accept Islam but wasn’t a Virgin or Chaste when they met and before she became a practicing Muslim their marriage is invalid? That even a Muslim woman or, in-particular, a reverted woman to Islam wasn’t chaste before Islam is not marriageable? If this is the case my marriage is forbidden and I am not marriageable for any Muslim man. If this is not so, and Islam doesn’t say this, then you should make that point clear as not to offend those women who were at sometime possibly unchaste non-Muslim women who were reformed by a marriage to a Muslim man or from other reasons other than love and marriage. Because if what you seem to say is true I don’t know what I am to do? Should my husband divorce me, repent be lashed and be exiled? Is our whole 7 year relationship a farce and cursed? I should live the rest of my life without a husband or family? This article at that point doesn’t really explain the options for these married couples who may or may not have already started a family. Because what you have interpreted is that their a cursed forbidden invalid marriage and so is the product of that marriage.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Okay, I believe you mean a Muslim man marries an unchaste non-Muslim woman, and then later on she accepts Islam and becomes a practicing Muslim.

      First of all, this is one of the best scenarios and one that rarely happens. But if this does happen, all praises to Allah, this is a wonderful thing.

      But to answer your question, if a Muslim man marries an unchaste non-Muslim woman, it doesn’t mean the marriage is invalid; it is just a sin on his part if he did so willingly.

      And as for a non-Muslim woman who become Muslim, she is definitely marriageable as accepting Islam wipes out all previous sins.

      For those couples who have already started a family and were married when the wife was an unchaste non-Muslim woman, they should make tawbah (repentance), stay married and try to do good from that point forward.

      And Allah knows best.

  8. Bay says:

    Salaams brother,

    I want to commend you on your site and tell you it is so uplifting to have someone speak so earnestly about the issues facing the muslim Ummah today. I am a 52 year old soon to be divorcee. This would be my second divorce. My first marriage ended after 20 years and my second marriage only lasted a few months.

    I have decided to get a Wali this time as I understand, if one can they should be married. My Wali told me he knew of someone, but they are much older,(75). I am concerned about this age difference on several levels.

    I searched your site for topics/articles on marriage and much older spouses and could not find any. I to one day with Allah’s permission might obtain old age and also would want a spouse if that were possible. My question(s) are as follows:

    1. What should a muslimah realistically expect from a relationship from someone that is so much older than she? I was told given the brother’s age he is in pretty good health, a widower and desires a wife, and is a good muslim. I am inclined to believe the muslim men around my age are not serious about marriage and believe it is ok for them to be single for years on end, even though there are single muslim sisters available for marriage.

    2. I have read some information on men’s health and the american life span of a male is around (75) years of age. I would be afraid to marry someone who is at the life span expectancy age now. Allah knows best about that right?

    3. I know we should use logic and reason when we are analyzing a situation and not use emotions. Sometimes someone older is more secure financially, (but also may have a limited income due to retirement) be more stable and has gotten a lot of things out of their system and may have more Taqwa ?

    4. It would be hard to deal with the scrutiny, but according to Hadith after every difficulty there comes ease, Right ?

    5. I recognized the challenges would be the same and also very different given the age difference?

    6. Could a situation as this prove viable?

    Salaams,
    Sister Bay

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Wa Alaikum Salaam Sr. Bay,

      Thank you for visiting Islamic Learning Materials. I’m hopeful I can be of some help, and any benefit you receive is from Allah and any mistakes are my own.

      Just commenting on your situation in general, to me that age difference is a big deal. I know the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) did marry a woman 15 years his elder, but he was a special man and she was a special woman.

      As for the age difference, the most important thing is how do you feel about it. There is nothing wrong with this marriage either Islamically or legally, so the only thing stopping you is your own preferences.

      If you are hesitant to marry someone so much older than you, than you may have well-found reasons. That may be your inner “common sense” telling you this is not good for you.

      But if you are inclined to marry him, then there’s really nothing stopping you.

      You must put your trust in Allah. Truly, sincerely, believe and know that Allah will give you what is best.

      Ask others who have no bias (that is they have personal reason to tell you to marry him or not to marry him). Get their opinions of the man. Especially those that know him. I would hesitate to ask his family members as they may have their own ulterior motives.

      I can’t give you my opinion, because I don’t know the man. But were the roles reversed, I don’t think I would marry a woman in the same situation. But sometimes men see things differently from women, so don’t take my personal preference too seriously.

      1. Good health for a man in his 70′s is certainly subjective. Are you prepared to care for him if his health declines? Or are you prepared to walk away if you cannot take care of him? That being said, I know a Muslim man in his 90′s who still drives and is married to a woman in her 60′s.

      By the way, I didn’t know many Muslim men in their 50′s weren’t interested in marriage. I’m not sure what else they expect to do as they can’t have sexual relations any other way (within the confines of Islamic law). I think many of these guys are probably thinking they can still get a woman in her 40′s or 30′s. I know one brother pushing 50 who talks about how he wants to marry a girl in her teens. Strange. Not haraam. But strange.

      2. Yes, Allah knows best about his true life span and I did give my example of the 90 year old brother above (he’s still driving). I think more troubling is the idea that he may go into a serious health decline yet stay alive. That would be even more difficult. But yes, you have to trust in Allah with this matter. We have no control over it.

      3. If you are inclined to marry him, why not ask your Wali to get verification of his income. Furthermore, how much in need are you for financial security? If you’re struggling to make ends meet, then that certainly gives you a reason to marry him (assuming he’s financially secure). But if you have a good job/career and savings, then this is one less thing you have to worry about.

      4. Hang the scrutiny of others. Don’t worry about what other people think.

      5. The age difference will present some unique issues. Don’t expect to go rollerblading with him in the countryside or anything like that. But whatever challenges it presents, there may be other benefits that you cannot see at this time.

      6. Yes, it could prove viable as I mentioned with the 90 year old brother I know. But what do you call viable? Every marriage eventually ends, either by death or divorce. I’m sure you don’t want another divorce, so his character is something you should really investigate.

      Finally, I want to advise you, that after you’ve asked others for their advice, and you’ve factored in all the different variables, to make the Istikhaarah prayer. I recorded a video here about Istikhaarah and I strongly advise you to make this dua and put your trust in Allah. Utilizing this prayer has helped me out of many difficult situations.

      And Allah knows best. May He make it easy for you and give you what’s best.

    • Laure says:

      I know of one such situation…a woman in her early thirties from Lebanon married a Lebanese man in his sixties who had been living and building his successful business in the United States for his whole adult life. Many years after his first wife passed away, his family arranged this marriage for him. They had little in common, despite being from the same country, and being devout in their faith, and had difficulty creating a satisfying emotional relationship. I think a big part of this was because she has simply never really adapted to living in the U.S. Some people are better at this than others, and she probably never should have come here. Despite the fact that she lives in a metroplex with a large Muslim population and many Mosques, it took forever to just get her out of the house. Then she filled her life with shopping between feeling anxious about not living in a “safe” house. I suspect that the toll of living in war-torn Lebanon made her afraid of light, airy homes with big windows, and that’s just how all the homes are in this area (the nice ones, anyway). She has been preoccupied about financial security as well, wanting her own home in Lebanon. Then, they were unable to conceive children, another loss of a potential connection. Maybe, too, it was difficult for her to feel deep, physical attraction for for someone so much older than she was due to his advanced age. That might have made some of the other challenges a bit easier.

      So after a fairly sad decade or so, he has a stroke – and lives, a vegetable. She is his caretaker, he can do absolutely nothing for himself. She has been keeping his relatives and friends away, and we are concerned about his welfare. I’m not sure he is at ease if he feels both helpless and uncared for; if she is being diligent in her caring, I doubt she has ease. And if she is overwhelmed and not caring for him well, she probably fears being found out.

      Logic and reason will tell you to be ready for these sorts of issues when you marry someone you do not know very well, and expect for love to grow naturally. Sometimes it does, sometimes….not so much. There are no guarantees.

  9. Bay says:

    Salaams,

    I appreciate your advice in this matter and you have given me much to ponder over. I know this is going a little off the track here.

    I do understand the prohibitions of a Muslim female marrying a non-Muslim male, however as in my case I do have adult children and am passed the childbearing age.

    Since Allah has commanded us to be married, is there an exception in the case of the women who are passed the childbearing age and there may not be any available Muslim men for the women in this category to marry, i.e. no men available in the same age category?

    I should not have to relocate to find a suitable spouse if there are other non-Muslim men available who also want to marry. I do have a career and have worked for quite some time, relocating would be my last resort.

    I know of a sister in my community that was in her late 60′s and her current spouse was in his early 70′s and a non-Muslim and they were married about 5 years ago and are still married and he reverted to Islam.

    I have also been told the Muslim sisters have a better chance of converting the non-Muslim male to Islam than the brothers have of converting the Christian women.

    I know of two examples of the Imams being married to Christian women. One case ended in divorce and the other is still married.

    Could it be that this ruling has been kept hidden for obvious reason(s). If the majority of Islamic information is written by males for females and males could it be that some of this information was and is written slanted toward the male perspective?

    I realize that the sisters are going to have to do a better job of learning the Islamic disciplines, Quranic Arabic and Sharia Law. How do you think it makes the Muslim woman feel when she knows the Christian woman can marry both a Christian man and also our Muslim men, which in turns limits the pool for available Muslim men to choose from? This just does not sound like equality to me.

    Allah has a solution for every problem and this is indeed a national crisis and Allah does not intend for us to not live the life he intended for us. in Your thoughts?

    Salaams,
    Sis. Bay

  10. Muhammad says:

    hello, Carmen .

    i do not mean to hurt your felings sister. But i am a muslim born and bought up in saudi arabia. although religion everything sin that preceeds before revrting to islam. but the islamic society at doesnt . i know th majority of men including myself find the idea of marrying an unchaste women repulsive even if she reverted . i.e our society is prudish in nature, sexual relations are not discussed. i am a 27 year old man nearing 28 a virgin , chaste man with no psyhical intimacy whatsover or any romantic history , to be honest just some crushes in heart and that is all. i cant fathom the idea of as men we majority of us being patient and chaste while marry a woman who had been dissolute and unchaste ,i.e the one who by virtue should be more pure, shy and purity as virginity for women is a virtue for women not only in muslim but in all societies since antiquity. our societies muslim (arab,asian ,african) at large are against the idea of marrying an unchaste woman , fo the fear of finding something that may burn them with jalousy . even the very few among us who gone stray demand a pure woman (which soo rightly they don’t deserve ). although things are changing everywhere because of westernisation and mass media, till the age of 22 i didnt knw how sexual intercourse tokk place unless in my university days i mistaknly opned a video file in internet cafe in india during my university days. most muslim men who are chaste, can’t atke the idea of marrying a woman who slept with men or performed sexual acts, before that i usd to consider acts like hugging ,kissing or embracing as the ultimate sexual act itself most ceratinly from the toned down bollywood movies i have seen. and i myself at univrsity in india , was propositioned for on night stands by severl loose woman and i feared allah (swt) and neglected them, i used to struggle a lot to be pure ad chaste so that i could show my face to my lord unashamed

  11. [...] some women conversion is sometimes a “requirement.” Many Muslim men will have no problem dating you as a Christian, but they will have an issue [...]

  12. MuslimMan says:

    Maybe if Muslim women were not all spinsters who refuse to get married, we Muslim men would not feel the need to have to marry non-Muslim women.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      That’s a rather general statement to say for over half a billion people. While there ate certainly some Muslim women who may act that way (such people exist everywhere) I believe most Muslim want the same thing most Muslim want:

      Happy, stable marriages.

  13. ivan says:

    I come from one of the only 2 ethnically european/white nations that are muslims. what you say about the required chastity of the women of the book is true BUT if the man is already not chaste he can marry only someone who is not chaste and vice versa. Of course our middle eastern brothers seem to overlook this command of our lord Allah.

    ***I had to edit out most of this reply as the brother said things that may bring sin upon himself. And if I reply to him, I may bring sin upon myself as well. So I only left out the neutral portion and pray that Allah forgives him for his evil.***

    • ivan says:

      “The fornicator shall not marry anyone except a fornicatress or an idolatress, and the fornicatress shall not marry anyone but a fornicator or an idolater, and that (marrying them) is haram for the Believers.” (24:3)

      I wonder why pointing out something that you missed out (and I believe you did it deliberately in order to promote muslim people marrying amongst each other and – no doubt it is better for them where it is allowed) is evil? But the command of Allah must be carried out. In the muslim countries this command is greatly overlooked, and it is a serious offence against the women there (in most cases its against women).
      Bottom line is that an unchaste man marrying an unchaste woman is better than marrying a chaste woman, because in the latter case that marriage would be null and void even if the woman agrees and accepts it, as I understand it, otherwise Im sure Allah would have put in another verse in the Noble Quran allowing it in the case of the woman’s/man’s acceptance of the partners unchastity.
      If you claim that you were unaware of this verse I shall apologise for my suspicion.

      • Abu Ibrahim says:

        You made a comment casting doubt upon my belief in Islam. I don’t want to repeat what you said because I’m trying to protect you and myself from Allah’s wrath.

        If you have something to add to the conversation or think I left something out, then by all means share whatever knowledge you have. But it is evil for you to cast doubt or suspicion upon another Muslim’s belief without absolute clear evidence.

        O you who believe! Avoid much suspicions, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful.

        Chapter 49, verse 12

        I do not care about your apology or your suspicion. You can keep them both or repeat them both. Either way, Allah is the best of judges and I leave the matter in His Hands.

        • noma says:

          hahahahaha so you just say stuff without fully researching? So much for the confidence you have been showing when making degrading comments about unchaste women. I think this is actually an issue that has to be discussed, what hapens to the unchaste man? Should he go on to have a chaste wife after taking part in making other women unchaste? Why is it that when someone says something that you are clearly not aware of ou are quick to take the back seat and leave everything in Allah’s hands while you have been vehemenly pointing out that you do not agree with everything he teaches? If at all you are in the religion for the right purposes, try to find out if what they are saying is true, read more so that if they are wrong you can stand up for it haha or are you an unchaste man seeking a chaste wife?

  14. Concerned Guy.... says:

    For me, I think Islam should either allow intermarriage for both genders or not at all! One of the things that irks me enough about Islam to the point I’d never consider converting into it – even though I find the religion fascinating, and love keeping tabs on the current affairs of Muslim majority nations. Even the reasons above for the disparity aren’t sufficient to cool my getting irked at that “command” by Allah – which I doubt really is because I sincerely doubt an Almighty being would be so petty as to advocate inequalities. I simply can’t stomach such an idea being an equal opportunity offender advocate I am. Just my two cents as a concerned Christian guy – and this is written without any intention to offend. Thanks. Peace be upon you all. :)

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Thank you for your comment and I appreciate your opinion. But your point is pointless.

      Islam is not a fashion trend or a whimsical fancy or really cool idea. For a Muslim, Islam is our life and our only reason for being.

      I can take your comment and break it down point by point to show just how mistaken you are; but that’s not necessary. All that’s needed is to understand what this faith is about – worshiping Allah and obeying His Messenger, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

      If you’re turned off by Islam because of some perceived inequalities then the problem is not with Islam; it is with your perception. If you have a problem with women not being allowed to marry non-Muslim men, but everything else with Islam is fine (according to you), then why would that factoid keep you away from salvation?

      Look, your decision to not accept Islam has nothing to do with my article or so-called inequalities or whether something “irks” you or not. Your decision is all about the fact that you are not yet able to submit your life and soul to the command of Allah.

      Plain and simple. May Allah guide you, Ameen.

  15. Claire says:

    I was hoping this is a parody site. People like you make me sick to the stomach. Who are you to pass judgment onto others?
    I know you probably won’t publish this comment anyway.

  16. Mitch says:

    i converted to islam because of marrying a muslim man! and you know what?
    yeah you r right, muslim men should just marry muslim women! Muslim men are the worst men in the world! Fucked up men in the world! I regret with my entire heart body and soul marrying a muslim man! I swear to god i may be a muslim but my heart is never on your allah! sorry to offend you! Until now im married to him and evryday of my life is just a fucking nightmare! I pray to god i will wake up and get out of my missery! That time, i vow, never to have any relationship even frienship with any muslim in this universe!

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Well, if it’s really that bad, why don’t you just divorce the guy and move on. You’re in Singapore, not Saudi Arabia.

      Besides, it’s not like anyone ever regretted marrying a non-Muslim. Sheesh. Get over yourself and get your life together.

      • noma says:

        She is so right, most women that marry muslim men find that they are not worth it..they tend to be slfish narroww minded men..im glad she nows now and she can tell the story, its sad ho you pple keep going on about hjow you should not marry non muslims as if there is anything amazing about being with a muslim man

        • Abu Ibrahim says:

          Now who’s being disrespectful? You’ve shown your true colors with this comment.

          You hate Muslims and Islam. Case closed. The rest of your comments will be moderated as spam since you’re obviously only here to deviate Muslims from the truth and have nothing beneficial to add to the conversation.

          Toodles.

    • Laure says:

      It would be helpful if you spelled out the specific problems you have with being married to a Muslim man. You might help someone else avoid the same mistake.

      Please, please, find someone wise to talk to about your situation. If he is abusive, try calling your local Women’s Shelter (if you have one) or a local crisis hotline. If you want to stay married (or can’t see your way out of it), maybe you can find a counselor to help you with strategies and ideas to make your life more bearable. If you or any of your loved ones are in danger as a result of marriage to this man, please escape the situation. If this man is cheating on you, please find a way to escape the situation. Even if he is just verbally abusive to you, that is a sort of emotional abandonment, and not something to endure. You need to put some physical distance between you if abuse or adultery is going on. You don’t need to be hurt, and you sure don’t need any sexually transmitted diseases that he may bring home. Condoms are not really adequate protection for any of them.

      Abu Ibrahim’s edit: The rest of this comment was a long diatribe promoting Christianity and stating lies about Islam and Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). The part above is sound advice so I’ll let that stay.

      • Laure says:

        Your readers will never know if what you say is true, or not, as you did not print the rest of my concerns.

        I wondered whether you would succumb to the Muslim world view of suppressing any communication counter to your beliefs, and indeed you did. Granted, this is your page, and you have every right to print or not to print responses. But your choice to censor speaks volumes.

        I’m wondering how you feel about the right to free speech that you enjoy, and whether you think it only counts when people agree with you? What does this say about the fate of the Bill of Rights in the United States if Muslims begin influencing legislation regarding what we can or cannot say?

        And to carry another point along, what is our fate when injustice is done, and those in charge say “IF harm occurred….” when men get women pregnant. Or when (instead of treating the man and woman equally) serious and permanent harm DOES occur….because it was just one of those “private family matters” of maining or killing a wayward daughter. Please don’t pretend that this never happens in some Muslim families.

        Some Muslim practices of censorship and dealing with family members are completely opposite of hard-won freedoms of western cultures. To me, this is a bigger reason to avoid intermarrying of Muslims and non-Muslims than just Mohammed’s commands.

        • Again with the “I know what’s best for everyone” spiel.

          First, I could care less what you think of me. You obviously hate Islam so your opinion means less to me than the lowliest beggar in Mecca.

          Second, you’re right. This is my blog. It’s private property. The comment I edited was calling Muslims to an incorrect, absurd belief system. So for both religious and business reasons, I decided not to allow your lies on this blog.

          The religious side is because I’m Muslim and this is a Muslim blog dedicated to spreading the message of Islam. If you want to spread Christian propaganda, go to WordPress.com, start a free blog and have at it. But don’t bring that mess to this website.

          On the business side, you’re calling to the competition. Would McDonalds allow you to sell Burger King food inside their restaurants? Would Apple allow Microsoft to advertise in their stores? Of course not. So why would an Islamic blog allow you to advertise Christianity? That’s not freedom of speech. That’s bad business.

          Third, if you really believe that this blog, is going to have any affect on the Bill of Rights, one of the greatest documents ever written by human hands, then you are way, way, way out there. Do you sincerely believe that my denying your silly little comment on this blog is going to change one of the fundamental rights in the United States? Do you really believe that?

          Seriously.

          • Abhinav says:

            “Business”?

            That’s a pretty commercial way of looking at life. Religion is supposed to be a way of life and philosophy that induces a sense of peace and security among all irrespective of gender, race, status, etc etc. It is great indeed that Islam does not prejudice people on the basis of status, race, and other criteria EXCEPT gender. The bias is painfully obvious to me and most of the critics here.

            Sir, You have not critiqued with rationality but have chosen to affirm your self-belief by being redundant. This approach will not convince anyone however, it may help you sleep at night knowing what you believe is truth incarnate.

            I’m not speaking on everybody’s notion of God, but I think it is safe to say this: God is beyond our understanding, and certainly the all-powerful, all-knowing, and all that good stuff. But, there is one trend in the Quran however, that really blasphemes and it manifests itself over and over. This is the allusion to the fact that Allah is some sort of entity that deserves to be pleased, experiences emotions (anger, etc), which is quite frankly out-of-line with the definition of God (which is ok).

            I am not a preacher, and I hope that one day people will realize that Life is about spirituality and not some misguided dogma (not specifically Islam) about how to do things a certain way, and anything else will lead to conflict. Take this for example, if everyone in the world is a muslim (or Christian for that matter), we wouldn’t need to have this discussion. The reason that science has achieved FAR in the last century than religion has achieved in the last several millenia is a testament to the shortcomings of religion or the mental capacity of men to follow it faithfully. Our religions have been taking us on the path of fragmentation as opposed to bringing humanity together. I’m not bringing God into this equation because I have never seen nor experienced his presence (I hope to, at some point).

            I’m not about to take somebody’s word for religion (one which influences my deepest personal beliefs), without actually verifying fiercely word-for-word its merits in an objective manner. If the knee-jerk response to harsh, criticism of Islam (or any other prophetic religion) is to incite violence, hatred or cover-up of the argument using circular, ignorant, and unprovable statements, then religion is truly for those who have no desire for the truth. For them, I apologize for wasting your time. Carry on and may you find your path which gives you peace. For the few remaining, this insight is nothing new, but it is just a reminder that there is logic still left, and not completely lost in the darkness of dogma-based religion (a redundant phrase in today’s world).

          • Abu Ibrahim says:

            Another person who swears they’ve got all the answers.

            Just listen to how arrogant you sound:

            I hope that one day people will realize that Life is about spirituality and not some misguided dogma

            Interpretation: I’ve figured life out so you all need to listen to me.

            Religion is supposed to be a way of life and philosophy that induces a sense of peace and security among all irrespective of gender, race, status, etc etc.

            Interpretation: Here’s the answer to the question that has been bogging humanity for centuries.

            Quite frankly I don’t know what your beef is. Because I compared religion to a business? Seriously?

            This is waste of time.

  17. Soulinthecity says:

    I was a chaste Christian divorced woman – for 5 years on my own with 4 children – I was deceived into a relationship and became engaged to a man posing as a Greek Christian – I compromised my own beliefs and broke my chastity for our engagement stupidly falling pregnant and discovering the truth this man was Turkish Muslim – Your web site totally misrepresents Christian and western women as if they are all whores – that is not true and not my experience of my circle of friends some of whom are still virgns in their 30′swaiting to find decent christian men for marriage. My experiecne of muslim men is they treat women badly think nothing of lying even to the point of criminal deceit to get what they want.

    • I do not mean to paint all Christian women as whores. But the fact is that most people in the West, men and women, have sexual relations before marriage. Of course, there are a few that hold on to traditional values and wait until marriage before having sex. But they are a minority. So I wasn’t talking about tiny, sub-segments of the Western world. I’m talking about the general population.

      I am sorry this Turkish man deceived you. There are good and bad people from all walks of life. If he truly harmed you, then Allah will bring justice to him.

      • Laure says:

        IF he truly harmed her? He lied to her, gave her confidence that he was the right man for her, and definitely did his half of the job of fornication, creating a baby with her. The whole set up reeks of disrespect and of intent to defraud.

        If you cannot tell from what she wrote that harm occurred, it is a GIANT RED FLAG to women who are considering marriage to a Muslim man.

        • I’m sorry. I must have missed the memo where someone died and made you in charge of the world and gave you the right to tell everyone how to live their lives and who to trust and who to marry.

          Get over yourself. You obviously think you’re more important than you really are.

        • Victim of Fraud says:

          I wish I had this advice !!!!

          I am living in hell with feelings of suicide

          • Laure says:

            Reach out, don’t give in to the temptation to suicide. I’m sending you a virtual hug right now.

          • Twana Perez says:

            Please talk to someone you trust or a counselor!
            I’ve lived in hell before, so you can talk to me.
            Abu Ibrahim’s edit: leaving emails on the blog is asking for trouble from spammers.

  18. bixy says:

    Thank you for this illuminating article!!! Must have been written by an Arab man who was probably dumped by a Western girl! Shows you consider yourself superior to everyone on this planet just because u r an Arab! How wise! Sure enough I now see the reason why these mixed-relationships don’t work out. Because you, Arab men don’t deserve our feelings and commitment. Would never date any of you. I’d rather stay a spinster!

  19. ROBINWHITE says:

    I DONT UNDRSTAND PEOPLE,I BELEIVE IN ONE OF THE SCPIRUTURES IN THE BIBLE INDICATED MEN WOULD GROW TO BE LOVERS OF THEMSELVES,IT SEEMS ALL HOE IS LOST

  20. Adam says:

    I know this is off topic but does anybody know the meaning of the following dream for sure? Is it anyhow relevant to any islamic interpretation?

    I saw a pretty/cute woman pregnant with a boy (I think), but her belly was made of something see-through (or it was made to seem so to me) and the baby was in a normal curled up state – but it was a giant baby. Half the size of a grown adult. On witnessing this I really panicked and asked the woman if this was some type of anomaly or whatever, and she smiled and said – no it is (the baby) perfectly normal, the baby will just be really big. Then i relaxed and awoke.

    I do not know the woman, plus we were in some dark room and only candle light was present, casting some light from the corner of the room. I am single.

  21. Eslam says:

    next time include, severing the bonds of kinship. Mixed marriages tend to lead to the severing of the bonds of kinship. Bonds of kinship and kith are extremely important in islam. Those are terms relating to ethnicity and culture. Kin: a group of common ancestry, Kith: a group of people living in the same area and forming a culture with a common language, customs, economy, etc., usually endogamous. Maintaining those ties is a duty. Mixed marriages often lead to breaking or weakening those ties. Especially children who have no sense of what their kinsfolk are. This is an important issue that needs to be addressed for mixed marriages. They are a tricky business. My kinsman are egyptians, but my kith are both egyptians and americans. I have several duties I need to uphold. This is an important aspect of Islamic teaching. That is to say that if a mixed marriage occurs, that child will need to be multicultural and have loyalty to different ethnicities and cultures, which then prevents an identity crisis.

  22. Rubaba says:

    Subhaanal Laah! Subhaanal Laah! Subhaanal Laah! I agree with every inch of this article. It has always been my point and I wonder why some of our Muslim brothers and sisters behave the way they do. May Allah swt reward you abundantly for this great article. Ameen thumma ameen

    • james says:

      I am a scottish muslim and twice i have been refused marriage to islamic girls because i am scottish so what is that all about i say racism and so do some other muslims say it too.

      • james says:

        Nearly a week now and still waiting moderation i dont think this is a good site for if you need an answer to a problem with islam think i will just forget about it but one thing i do know in my heart muslims are the racist ones like it or not and i will be leaving islam for that very reason cause i aint racist and i deplore racism

        • Abu Ibrahim says:

          Okay…so you’re leaving Islam because I took too long to answer a blog question?

          Anyway, I apologize for taking so long to respond. There were many comments and many of them were very negative and anti-Islam (like this one) so I had to be very careful in which one’s I allow to go through.

          I have responded to your comment up above. If you leave Islam, then the fact is that you didn’t truly believe in the first place. And this also proves Allah’s wisdom in not allowing you to marry those other Muslim girls. Regardless of their reason for not marrying you, your quick decision to leave Islam over such trivialities show that you would not have made a good Muslim husband for them.

          Once again, Allah proves that His plan is greater than our plan.

          ALLAHUAKBAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Abu Ibrahim says:

        If Muslims are not allowing you to marry their daughter’s because of your ethnicity, then that is wrong on them. They are bringing their tribal cultural baggage into Islam and it does not belong there.

        This is not an Islamic value. Allah does not discriminate based on ethnicity or race or nationality. That is a man-made innovation that has brought much harm into the world.

        May Allah forgive them and may He give you what’s best.

  23. badriya says:

    Hi..i’m a Mexican / german female abd I’ve been wanting to convert to Islam for a really long time. I have a huge crush on a muslim boy from Pakistan but i know this probably isn’t meant to be. I just wanted to day that there are many western women who eould be honored to serve their husband and Allah.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Hello Badriya,

      Go ahead and accept Islam. That’s most important. Then if you want to marry this boy, then inquire about him and see what Allah gives you. Stranger things have happened.

  24. Ismail says:

    Oh Please. This article is typical of what us Muslims are criticised about – We base our interpretations on our biases, with no solid facts. Facts (Based on what is written in the Quran, and not on opinion). Fact 1: Muslim men are allowed to marry Non-Muslims. Fact2: It is not stated in the Quran that the children should follow the father’s religion. Every point raised beyond this, cannot be substantiated by the Quran. Period.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Ummm…you’re wrong.

      Muslim men are allowed to marry CHASTE Christians and Jews.

      And chaste women from among the believers and chaste women from among those who received the scripture before you.
      Chapter 5, verse 5.

      And Allah instructs us to save our families from the fire, which includes our wives and children. How else can we save them from the fire unless they’re raised as Muslims?

      Oh you who believe, save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones.
      Chapter 66, verse 6.

      Well, I brought my proof to back up my statements and refute yours. It is now up to you to show proof supporting your so-called facts (which as I’ve shown are not valid).

  25. Connie Ali says:

    Think about this…Islam is growing exponentially and then ask yourself why that is. I would not be surprised if a good portion of the growth is because of Muslim men marrying Non-Muslim women and these women are converting to Islam and thus their children are growing up Muslim. I think there is some resentment that these men are coming to the west and marrying girls that are not from their home country. I can tell you that I have been married 20 years and converted to Islam after marriage (not because my husband is Muslim, but because I read the Koran and found it inspiring and true). People get too caught up in men marrying non-Muslim white girls in the west and don’t realize that perhaps Allah has a bigger plan in store. I would not discourage this trend.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      I absolutely agree that Allah has a much bigger plan than anything I can think of. I don’t necessarily discourage Muslims marrying non-Muslim white women. But if they’re going to do it, they should do it right. I have to encourage people to do the best thing, even though we all know not everybody will and that Allah has a plan for everything.

  26. Elle says:

    You mentioned that the Muslim woman who was married to a Christian is actually sinning every day of her life regardless of how much she prays and fasts.

    Is the same true for a Muslim man who marries an unchaste woman who doesn’t practice any religion at all? She also, has not accepted Islam and it has been 17 years that they have been married.

    What should this man do? Can he truly be called a Muslim?

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      The man is still a Muslim, even if he marries a woman who doesn’t follow any specific religion. And the Muslim woman who marries a non-Muslim man is still a Muslim but she is committing a sin with her marriage.

      As for the man in your scenario, that is a more complex answer.

      Many people who do not profess any religion are truly either Christian or Jewish. They may not practice either faith sincerely, but they still pretty much adhere to whatever their parents raised them upon.

      But your primary question is asking if a marriage between a Muslim man and an unchaste non-Muslim woman valid.

      I have to admit, for that one, I’m really not sure. I am certain that if he is aware that she’s unchaste, then marrying her is a sin. But I am not sure if the marriage is a valid marriage or not. I will have to ask someone who has more knowledge than I do.

      If anyone else has input on this matter, please feel free to comment.

      • Laure says:

        It sounded to me as if he were asking if the Muslim man were sinning by being married to an unchaste unreligious woman. Not if he were still a Muslim, or whether the marriage was valid (which you clarified anyway).

        So, is a Muslim man who chooses to marry an unchaste non-religious woman (who never converts to Islam) sinning every day of his life regardless of how much he fasts and prays?

        • Abu Ibrahim says:

          If she’s not from the People of the Book (Christian or Jewish), then yes, he is sinning.

          But if she’s just an unchaste Christian or Jew who doesn’t practice their faith, the initial act of marriage is sinful, but the marriage otherwise may still be valid if all of the other prerequisites were met.

          But this would be a foolish situation for a Muslim to put himself in. To marry a non-Muslim who is unchaste and immoral is doubly bad.

  27. naseema siddiqui says:

    very good article, i found difference between halal & haram marriage, verily i dont know about it before reading this article, i m very glad to get this knowledge. thankyou so much. may ALLAH bless u &your work. aamin,

  28. Chandra says:

    Seriously your mentality is saddening. I hope you realize we live in 2013 not the stone ages. I am a Greek Orthodox who has observed Islam and has accepted a lot of its teachings but has also rejected a handful of messages. Islam being one of the newest religions hasn’t exactly caught up with the modern world and I don’t care where you live it’s about how your parents raise you. For example I was raised without a religion…… Yet I am engaged to a Muslim man and he happend to be my first and only dating relationship my dating consisted of going over his house to hangout with his sisters and mother. Oh yeah did I mention Iam 20 and a huge liberal! I don’t know how to really defend myself but I can tell you In my honest opinion marriage should be a choice and because of love not because you can’t afford to house your daughter anymore or because your son is getting “too old”. I respect everything about my future husbands religion however I will remain independent from claiming a specific religion. My kids will be Muslim and will make their family name proud. And if more men were as respectful and educated as my fiancé then maybe these different religion marriages would work. To each it’s own but if I was a crazy religious Greek girl I would of looked at my husband as some freak whose religion is False I thank GOD that I wasn’t brain washed by my parents culture an religion I was able to keep an open heart to all and any culture and religion.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Islam doesn’t change because the calendar does. If you want to alter your religion, that’s up to you. I personally think your future husband is making a mistake by marrying you. Your comments show that you are opposed to Islamic fundamentals.

      Just my opinion.

    • Laure says:

      Why do you categorize yourself as Greek Orthodox when you say you were raised without a religion and and observes Islam? Greek Orthodox implies Christian, and you clearly are not a Christian.

      It sounds like your opinion of a devout Greek Orthodox Christian girl = crazy religious Greek girl. However you phrase it, you clearly see that Christianity is incompatible with Islam.

      I find it odd that while Islam permits a muslim man to marry a “devout Christian,” a devout Christian would not choose to be “unequally yoked with unbelievers” who do not believe what Jesus says about himself.

      • Abu Ibrahim says:

        Jesus said he was part of a Trinity? Jesus said he was God in the flesh?

        • Laure says:

          Even without considering the concept of Trinity, it is easy to see that Christianity and Islam are so significantly different that it would be unwise to consider intermarriage between the two. But this topic is about mixed (religious) marriages, not about Christianity’s validity. But discussing the various points of Christianity and how they do/do not mesh with Islam IS key to the discussion.

          6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.
          7 “If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; and from now on you know Him and have seen Him.”
          8 Philip said to Him, “Lord, show us the Father, and it is sufficient for us.”
          9 Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Philip? He who has seen Me has seen the Father; so how can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?
          10 Do you not believe that I am in the Father, and the Father in Me? The words that I speak to you I do not speak on My own authority; but the Father who dwells in Me does the works.
          11 Believe Me that I am in the Father and the Father in Me, or else believe Me for the sake of the works themselves.
          The Answered Prayer
          12 “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father.
          13 And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
          14 If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.
          15 “If you love Me, keep My commandments.
          16 And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever—
          17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.
          18 I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.
          19 “A little while longer and the world will see Me no more, but you will see Me. Because I live, you will live also.
          20 At that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you.
          21 He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.”

          “For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him shall have eternal life.” John 3:16.

          From this – without arguing about Trinity stuff – it is clear that believing is the start of the relationship and the works are an evidence of it. And believing in Jesus, in particular, is of huge importance.

          In Islam, Jesus may be considered a “prophet,” but Islam makes his teachings obsolete, and words like these are superseded, replaced by a works-based message in Islam, according to Mohammed.

          A grace-based faith is incompatible with a works-based faith. Truly devout believers of both may look very similar to each other on the outside, in terms of behavior. They may also look similar to a highly moral atheist. The difference is the motivation, the quality and character of the relationship with God.

          That is why a truly devout Christian would find marriage to a Muslim man – and raising a family – to be utterly incompatible with her faith.

          As to why there seem to be so many “christian” women marrying Muslim men, I believe it to be part of a wider problem of ignorance of what the Scriptures say, no matter how that ignorance came about.

          The U.S. took Bible reading out of the schools. Secular humanists have been trying to get everyone to have sex with anyone and anything for decades. So any child who might have known better if the Bible had still been read in the schools (even if their parents had totally fallen down on the job of spiritual training) has no proper teaching. Many parents who may have been raised Christian may have been expecting the church to do their job, and found out too late that, uh, no, it didn’t work out that way. Especially in some of the liturgical traditions (such as the Greek Orthodox, Russian Orthodox and Catholic traditions) where not only are people not encouraged to read the Bible, they are even discouraged from doing so. They are to rely on what they are told by priests as the complete truth…and when the priests conveniently preach a gospel of works (church attendance and participation in certain sacraments and penance “chores” for sins) as the gospel and keep people busy with social work, you get people who are really do not understand (much less believe) the key things that Jesus said about salvation. Then there are all the people who say they are “christians” because they know they were not raised Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist or Hindu, and have a church in their town (whether they go to it or not.)

          This, to me, is why we have a nation full of fornicating “christians.” The ignorance problem is so bad that when Presidents of the U.S. misquote scripture, take it out of context and twist its meaning, not one single journalist notices or comments. Not one.

          A devout, mature and wise Christian woman would have to be walking in huge disobedience to marry a Muslim man.
          A “devout” (i.e., wants to be righteous) “christian” (ignorant of her faith) might….but that’s an oxymoron. What Muslim man wants to marry an oxymoron?

  29. yaz says:

    Im a muslim girl married to a christian man. We have 2 sons both raised as muslims and have muslim names and are circumsized. When im at work my mum looks after my youngest he even copies her readin namaz.however my brothr is married to a christian girl and there kid is bein raised as the mothers religion as shes the one home all day not my brothr. So surely its better my way then the other way.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      No, this is not the better way. It just means you and your brother are both messed up. You are in an invalid marriage and your brother is raising children who do not know how to worship Allah. May Allah guide the both of you, Ameen.

  30. [...] in love with a Catholic man. As you probably know, it is not permissible for Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men, whether they be Protestant, Catholic, Jew or [...]

  31. Heath says:

    I m getting sick of the way muslim men treat us the cathelic people, and tell us what to do in the marriage, also they make our decent european woman who are catholic into muslim which they dont want to do. I think it is wrong to make them into muslim. How do they feel if the catholic wife make the muslim men into christian if they dont want to do. They can be horribly forcing us to do things and there is no way for them to make some of us into muslim. We will fight and the rest of the world against the muslim people who is forcing us to do things. Most of country are getting fed up with the muslem men because they dont accept our law. Hard work and selfish people!!

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Okay. Somebody get this fellow his meds.

    • Marwa says:

      I understand what you mean completely. However, I am a Muslim woman. I met a man who I felt affection towards and as our friendship grew he told me about his life – he was a Christian who studied in Catholic schools and never really felt a connection with any religion….
      Abu Ibrahim edit: Edited for trolling and making it seem like it’s okay for a Muslim woman to befriend non-Muslim men. It certainly isn’t, regardless of the outcome.

  32. Nour says:

    I love everything about this article. It’s about time someone wrote a legitimate article with REAL facts. Thank you. Unfortunately, we cannot stop people from doing what they are doing, and neither will they ever understand us. In fact, many will rush to defend those few relationships where a muslim man is married to a “white” woman (who may or may not be muslim) and it seems to be working out fine. I personally know a guy (unfortunately related to him) and he’s been dating a white girl since college. They lived together, did just about everything together. And while it’s great he’s introduced her to Islam, it’s not exactly right because they’ve had this haraam relationship going on for so long. In fact, she’s obsessed with his culture (Pakistani) and tries so very hard to be as pakistani as she can. It’s admirable to most people, but the sad truth about it is that deep down inside she knows she will never be accepted if she doesn’t accept his religion, his culture, etc. If you have to learn to act, dress, talk and cook a certain way just to satisfy your husband’s family and be accepted into the family, that’s the most pathetic thing ever! It goes to show these white women have absolutely no self worth. Nobody should have to change so much JUST to get accepted into a family. People should love you for who you are, not expect you to become like them. And if Arab/Desi men want a white girl to become totally Arab/Desi girl, then why not just marry a girl from a similar ethnic background, or at least one who is already a revert of a different race? I don’t get it!

    And yes these men do have some serious inferiority complexes! I don’t mean to offend anyone, but I know many will be offended. And for that I apologize in advance. It’s a free country and we’re all free to voice our opinions. Whoever may retort and throw trash at me, I know you’re only doing it because what I’ve mentioned above pushed a nerve ;-) I don’t really care what you may have to say to defend yourself. If Allah has pre-marital relationships haraam, then they are haraam, regardless of whether they are with white women or black/brown/yellow. But they are ten times worse with white non-muslim women because of all that Abu Ibrahim has mentioned in this article, so I do not need to repeat myself.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Jazakallah Khair Nour, thank you for your support.

      I don’t worry much about the negative comments on this blog as they mostly come from non-Muslims who hate Islam.

      As for the inferiority complex…it is a sad but true legacy of European colonialism.

  33. jose says:

    i saw many muslim women sleep around all lie’s………………

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Seriously? You saw a lot of Muslim women sleeping around? Whatever dude, stop lying.

      I don’t think there’s anything in this article about Muslim women not sleeping around; so I don’t even know where that came from. Besides, there’s proof that Muslims don’t sleep around as much as people from other faiths.

      Stop hating on us Muslims and find something more constructive to do.

  34. assamou alikum brothers. iam a muslim brother,who brought his wife from africa to france. i did everything for my wife to get a job. after she got that job. i left to africa to search for a government contract,on my return i found that this girl has changed totaly. to say things short i saw her photo with one pascal cirque.when i asked her about that she said if i tell any body about it she will divorce me. i then called her mother and told her. in return she started saying am in love with her aunts, sisters etc at such she dosen’t love me any more.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      Wa Alaikum Salaam,

      What is “pascal cirque?”

      If she doesn’t love you, and her behavior has become very bad, then you should leave her as quickly as you can. There are several other good, faithful, and believing Muslim women to choose from.

      This scenario happens a lot when someone from a developing nation travels to the West and turn into something brand new.

      Advise her to change and do better and warn her about the punishment from Allah. If she shows no signs of improvement, then it’s time for you to move on.

      And Allah knows best.

  35. I have a video on islamic marrage . Please tell me what you think . Her is the website link . From the USA, Chicago, IL http://youtu.be/X_fdb8deGiI

  36. Henna says:

    This seems a good piece of writing. Here is India inter religion marriages have become quite common with Constitution supporting it. Though it encourages freedom of choice and Is good that way. But it also brings lots of issues. Many couples find it difficult to balance religion 10-20 years post marriage. Specially in Muslim and non Muslim marriages. In other inter religious marriages like Hindu marrying Sikh or Buddhist or Christian or or Jain or Parsi or Jew cases of domestic disturbances because of religious inconsistencies are less reported.

    This stems from fact that person following Islam is true believer only when he/she is fundamentalist where fundamentalist means sticking to fundamentals and conducting himself/herself as per religious books. Which can also mean less flexibility in a particular situation.

    However when such people marry in their 20′s or 30′s they are less interested in religion and more in love life. These things change a lot in course of time. So both Muslim and non Muslim partner should be aware of this. After full confidence only they should jump into marriage.

    Articles like the one you have written should be distributed in higher secondary schools and universities for both Muslims and non Muslims to be aware of all this. Also with them should be distributed the rights and duties of husband and wife in a marriage. And punishments described by religious books if those rights and duties are not met. This will help both Muslims and Non-Muslims who may get into a relationship in future or are currently in relationship to make a right decision.

    Nothing is static in life except change so may be after knowing everything also and after making right decision also things don’t work out. But then never let guilt inside u which can kill u slowly. Always understand what was done in past was best at that time. Life is beautiful and if you send positive signals to universe(God) they will come back multiplied. Where positive signals like peace, love, harmony, patience and happiness surround you and you intentionally generate them, God is going to help you and create best solutions for toughest problems :)

  37. Marwa says:

    I have to be honest but I agree with the reader. The writer’s attitude is so rash that instead of going back and listening to realistic points all I remembered was how aggressive this writer was and it gives off negative vibes of Islam. The writer’s response to Abu Ibrahim also suggests an unbelievably proud disposition which is quite sad because I personally believe that you have to be humble in Islam and I don’t think I am wrong.

    “The servants of the Merciful are those who walk on the earth in humility.” (25:63)
    “Give good news to the humble-hearted.” (22:34)
    The Prophet (s) said, “Shall I inform you about the people of Paradise? They comprise every obscure unimportant humble person, and if he takes Allah’s Oath that he will do that thing, Allah will fulfill his oath (by doing that). Shall I inform you about the people of the Fire? They comprise every cruel, violent, proud and conceited person.”
    ——— Narrated by Haritha Bin Wahb, in Sahih Al Bukhari, vol 8 hadith 97.
    “Arrogance and tyranny is a greater sin.”

    According to the Holy Quran, pride is a sin that will most certainly be severely punished.

    The Almighty Allah says in Surah Zumar (Verse 60)

    “Is there not in Hell an abode for the proud?”

    He also says:

    “It shall be said: Enter the gates of hell to abide therein; so evil is the abode of the proud.”

    (Surah Zumar 39:72)
    In Surah Mo-min (Verse 35) Almighty remarks,

    “Thus does Allah set a seal over the heart of every proud, haughty one.”

    Also, Allah has written everything. If you do something with good intention who are you to judge? There is only one God and he is the only One Judge. And if you reflect your own opinion on what Allah has decreed as lawful then isn’t that wrong? Especially to the masses?

    Regardless, it is not for you to judge or say who can marry who. I understand it is your opinion but the manner in which you present yourself needs work.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      So you’ve come to a conclusion about my character based on one article though you’ve never met me, never corresponded with me and never talked with me personally?

      You’ve contradicted yourself by judging me (a real, live, individual person) yet say that I am wrong for making general, unspecified judgments.

      Anyway, what you’re saying is full of western-humanistic-secular fluff. Allah has made certain things haraam so I will continue to say that thing is haraam. And if people are doing wrong, then I will warn them.

      • jim says:

        Are you turning into a Pope Urban? God will’s it! God this and that! Have you ever met God in passing? The Middle East needs renaissance if its led by people with your dark age Christian crusader thinking. The secret to what made Europe less stupid was not zealot Christianity trampling across the Middle East and doing it for God [as if God needed them to do it for him? He has lightning bolts and mother nature to get rid of us with]. But those idiots did not figure that out for a long time. Its amazing how during the same period the Middle East and China were the only two areas of the world making scientific progress and philosophical progress. The only reason they had made this progress was because they were smarter than the crusaders, not to mention were not religiously fanatical nor did they do the things they do today. Islam turned sour in the 1600s, wouldn’t be surprised if Oliver Cromwell [a person who follows the book] was personal friends with Wahhabi who started modern Islam [more like dark age Christiantiy just his version of what this religion should be and not what Muhammed wrote down at all]. Wahhabi was a destructive man who was hell bent on turning the Middle East like dark age Europe, he must have been fascinated by the Crusaders to be such a nut!

    • jim says:

      Pride is a sin in Christianity too. Infact you can end up in Hell for it. [And if Jesus or God feel like your punishment was acceptable enough after x amount of years then you are free to stand in a long line outside the gates of st. peter. ]

    • Sultan says:

      I wanted to let a comment on this website that was quite the same. Being humble, open minded and respectful of others comments should be the number one rules for someone who wants to make a point. Talking about a religion like if it was a brand to sell to others it’s really not looking good. At least if you want to do so, it should be done in a clever way, bc if you want to keep in your path people that are already brainwashed it’s fine but if you want new one….that’s an other story.

  38. GreekTurk says:

    I’m a Greek who disapproves of organized religion but is attracted to the spiritualism of Greek Orthodox monasticism and Muslim Sufi strands. I don’t believe in changing the religion into which I was born and culturally shaped, nor do I believe that not converting to Islam is inconsistent with attending zikr and repeating praise to Allah and to Muhamad. I am in a relationship with a secular, nominally Muslim Turkish woman who has attended church services and sufi zikrs with me.
    Do you believe that this is all wrong and that our union is a mistake?

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      What do you mean, “in a relationship?”

      If you’re not married to her, then yes this is an invalid union as you both are fornicating. It wouldn’t matter if you were a Greek Orthodox or a Muslim or anything in between. Sex outside of marriage is forbidden in Islam.

      If you are married, then…well…it depends.

      Have you ever said “la illaha illallah Muhammadan rasoolullah” in your Sufi dkhikr circles? If so (and most likely, you have) then I really don’t know. Chances are, regardless of what you call yourself, you may very well be Muslim as you’ve taken the Shahadah before witnesses.

      So…I have to say this is one question that only Allah truly knows the answer to.

      • jim says:

        Its forbidden in every faith. But it happens all the time. Truth is it will continue to happen. Depends on how you are raised. It is an unwise act but inevitable no matter how veiled a women is or how ‘honorable’ a man is. Believe me the veiled girl I played around with in College [I wish it was more but she could commit because we were of different faiths]. Not to mention the orthodox Jewish girl I messed around with in High School. I enjoyed those experences because I liked these girls for who they were and their religions but it to a degree is true. I at the time did not understand, living in America who would? To me these ways are so alien but I liked these girls no matter what. I just did not like the idea of being with someone in secret because in my culture that is not acceptable behavior. Its not in theirs either so maybe its best no buddy mix? In a way its racist or a phobia but at the same time it makes sense.
        I do like those Middle Eastern and North African women I will not lie! I met a Iranian girl too but was only friends with her. They have some of the most beautiful seducing eyes I have ever seen. Green eyes with raven black hair is by far a beautiful trait not known in European gene pool. I am against force converting people or conversion unless its personal choice. To me muslim women could marry a non muslim because its possible the children would be raised with a more middle eastern outlook and faith, even middle eastern Christians do not drink or eat pork for example. Not to mention my personal belief is women have more of a role in a childs upbringing than Men, they even influence how you think growing up. My dad and I rarely got along, and to this day never agree on anything politically or religiously. By not getting along I mean we disagree on politics, science related stuff and just about any of those sort of topics, and even religion.
        I could care less what religion my spouse has and what way the women wants the kid to be raised so long as its not homosexual or transgender crap, or degenerate behavior being taught etc… All the bad stuff could be left out to produce a future that is positive. I do not think religion defines the future but gives us morality to see to it that nothing degenerate is created or allowed. I do not know if you understand?

    • jim says:

      Do it but know it will produce a atheist. My parents were the same way or inter-inter faithed if that makes any sense. Roman catholic [ick] and Methodist [double ick SNEEZE Jewish]. Truth is its uncovering more and more that these philosophies derive from one another. Old testament which is the Jewish bible but then turned European[Christianity] and Arabic[Islam]. However both of these religions borrows from pre-Abrahamic faiths. I am fascinated by pre Islamic Middle East, terrible that Islam and Christianity have tried to destroy their ancient mythologies. Gilgamesh still survived though!

  39. In God I Trust says:

    @ abu Ibrahim…let educate ourself…..there is only one tribe in this world and that is mankind. “while the thunder last, two bad men are friends”. if we are suddenly invaded by aliens, we will all forget about tribe,race or religious affiliations…I thank God my Father in Heaven for protecting and provide for me….Let me start about the Reality of my Family…My Family is Moslim, but we have reverted from my Great Grand father to Methodist Family, while some in my family are still moslim up to date…My Mum which she’s a Moslim Sherifat Abdullahi get married to my dad and revert aswell to Christian living in a Happy Marriage Life for 49 year now with my Dad with 6 children and great grand children…..Let the Love Story begin, My Dad Younger Sister which she’s a British National also she’s a Moslim, i remember when i travel from Yankee in december 2011 to pay her a Visit in England, she’s the one that Cook for me to Eat, but my point question is why have she not put poison into my Food to Die and because i’m black and she’s british white?….instead she show Love and she’s very happy to see me….i read my Bible and pray while she pray too with her Quran.my dad Younger Sister has 5 children, only 1 is Moslim the rest have reverted at the age of 22 to christian, Funny thing is that My Dad can still read the Quran and he’s a Priest in Christ, but my mum cant read Quran again and she’s very good reading the Bible and Singing..right now i’m about to marry a moslim lady and i told my parent about it. the question i was ask is ?…is she Good in Character and Prayerful to God, they are not worried about her Religion Affiliation and i should let her do whatever religion she want, she just have to be a good Lady and God believer. i reply by saying Yes, but everything is in God Hand. my fiancee doubt maybe my parent wont allow me to marry her, she was confuse when she heard her support from my Parent.. A Scenairo be to happen in my class when a High-Gossip female friend was told by my female friend on facebook which she’s a friend to her said my fiancee she’s Moslim, the next thing she keep saying is my fiancee can’t marry me because i’m christian and christian dont marry Moslim. i just dont listen and ignore her, but group work in class keep joining us together. she thought i hate her, but we take pictures together, conversation togethe, just that her ignorance let me distance myself from her because what she preach and talks can make you SIN,..all what i’m saying is Let choose what is Right for Us by God Prayer, we should not be Force by Parent or Religion Believe to Mislead our Life.. Thank you Everyone..In God I Trust.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      What I get from your story is that several people in your family have left Islam and became Christian and it all started from one of your ancestors marrying a Christian.

      Thank you for proving my point that Muslims (both men and women) should not marry non-Muslims. An entire generation of Muslims lost and gone to misguidance.

      May Allah protect us from such fates, Ameen.

      • In God I Trust says:

        @ abu..not from such faith….flash back to my comment, i do not quote that Muslims (both men and women) should not marry non-Muslims.i give an ignorance statement made by my female friend…..as i can tell Some in the Family are still Moslim…even the percentage is moslim %60-40christian….but we do things together, not by religious separation…….what i’m saying is we have the Freedom of Choice, Choice to be Happy….let me give you a vice versa statement…As a man i meet a Chrisian & Moslim Lady that i intend to marry…if i see a Christian Lady that she’s not a good woman and have a Bad attitude in all aspect, will you tell me to marry her because she’s christian?….and i see a Moslim lady that have Good attitude, your advice will be marry the good one…this goes aswell if i see a Moslim Lady that she’s not a good woman and have a Bad attitude in all aspect, will you tell me to marry her because she’s Moslim?….and i see a Christian lady that have Good attitude, your advice will be marry the good one.my point is first, Our Parent are not going live with us after our Marriage, Our Parent are there for us when there’s Conflict between the two couple and get it solve in an easy way for such situation not to occur in the future again….second this is your personal life, you know what is right and wrong, choose what will give you peace of mind…Hope you understand my Proverb?…A devil you know, it’s better than an angel you just meet….let me give you another scenairo,, %95 of my friend keep saying they know i cant marry the Lady i’m dating now..why?..because they believe my Family Royal Culture is not allow to marry other Tribe…but, sorry i only tell few that i know they will listen. in as much my Parent have Accepted and my parent expect the best from me.. My friends will only come and greet and go, but i remain with my Family forever…. i dont need friends to dictate to me about my personal life…I explain by saying it’s better for the community to take there Crown to somewhere else…in summary Abu. let make a good choice of what will make us Happy forever in our Life…..In God I Trust…

    • jim says:

      You make a point. But remember there are different kinds of Christians and different kinds of muslims. My brought up Catholicism differs from my Dads Methodist church [Methodist are very liberal], however Catholicism is different an except Christians to view Christianity the way they do. My father use to say that Catholicism was paganism because of the statutes in Church and a fake Jesus on a cross in the church [which to Methodist is paganism or idol worship]. My explanation to him was the object is not being worshipped its what it represents that is being worshipped or given thanks to. However when my mother went to his church she viewed it as a fake religion because they did not practice communion [which is not good if your catholic, its considered a rejection of god]. I never liked either church growing up maybe because I grew up in the middle. But I can remember many of the people were generally kind to me even though I did not belong to either church. I can remember going to religious school and was disgusted that me an another ‘Protestant’ had to stand out in the rain during a Ash Wednesday. That was offensive, not because of being partially raised a protestant but because my parents paid for me to go to that school. That later pissed them off too but O well. I can remember me and a protestant girl being left out in the rain while everyone else was inside, including a Jew and a rich Saudi Arabian kid, I was like wow we are protestant and cant go in but they can? After that I never behaved in that school again and did what I felt like doing during religion class. Hurt my grades and later left that school but I was happy when I did. My parents wanted me to go to a religious high school and I told them flat out I would drop right out if they ever did. Two of my friends got that privilege of going there.

  40. Eternal Truth says:

    I am Muslim and Abu Ibrahim…
    Abu Ibrahim Edit: Sorry…trolls will no longer be tolerated on this website.

    • Abu Ibrahim says:

      I’m glad I’ve ruffled some feathers on this sleeping Muslim nation. If my words aren’t making somebody angry then I’m not doing my job. Call me crazy all you want because I’m in good company.

      They called Prophet Noah crazy. They called Prophet Jesus crazy. And they called Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon them all) crazy.

      The truth hurts. Feel the burn.

      • Jane says:

        I was married to an iranian man for 11 years and he is moslem and I am catholic. We lived in canada. He was going to change his religion to catholic out of respect for my country which is christian but then he decided not to. He did not practise islam he was born moslem but he left Islam at age 10 as he despised the religion that ruined his birth country of Iran.

        • Muttaqi says:

          Hopefully he’ll change before he dies. Otherwise, he’s gonna have a lot of problems in the next life.

        • jim says:

          Your country was founded by the Brits its technically a Protestant nation. If it was Catholic and you married him they would have forced him to become Catholic. I know this because my dad went through it and when he divorced my mother he went back to being a Methodist. Hence I was raised around both out looks of Christianity and found that it was infact artificial Judaism. I am not impressed with Islam or Mormonism either they too follow the same path as Christianity. I mean I have respect for these religions but they are all the same in the dogmatic side of things. Unless people can explain just how much they stand out from the other -Abrahamic faiths.

      • jim says:

        How come pre Crusades did the Muslims sack the Christian temple? Or loot it. It was King Saladin’s fault [who is a pretty cool figure in history]. Islam is so much like Christianity and Mormonism [not trying to offend anyone but through looking at it with an outside perspective]. Why do Muslims have respect for Jesus but look his symbols in history [cannot speak for today]. Also when Muhammed’s people were being persecuted he told his people to go to the Christians lands because they wouldn’t persecute them. Then Later on Muhammed defeats the pagan Saudi Arabians. Then after [maybe a century later] the Arab muslims attack the Christians! I never understood that. I do not understand why a God would create several religions to watch us all die. For his amusement? There are so many spin offs of Islam, Christianity, Judaism its becoming more and more foolish a the century passes. Watch out Mulisms the Mormons are expanding [they aren't Christian FYI].

  41. Princesa_Hermosa says:

    HI,
    I am sorry and I totally agree that mixed marraiges bring a lot of problems and they shoudln’t happen a lot.Anyway I can’t agree with the author that muslim women are only chaste.I lived in muslim coutry and I saw women who were not chasteful by their actions.Noone can know if they were ever touched by a man or not because these kinds of sins remain secret in a muslim sociaty which is what I approve of.Society must have structure and moral values which is amazing me from Islam.I love this about the religion Islam it gives people value and real worth.But we can’t generalize.ABU IBRAHIM ,I congragulate you on your work helping people with knowledge of your religion which is very great did!I agree that the societies now a days are affectedd by obscene behaviour but I saw even in muslim countries poeople are somewhat affected from the west.But because muslim communities in the west are more closed and nostalgic of their culture they start realizing better the value of their religion and start following better Islam.I can’t say this about muslim countries very much,especially the more free ones like the democratic muslim countries.I am though from non muslim background and I see my parents being pritty conservative in many ways ,my mother didn’t have any bfs before marrying ,neither of my aunts and so on.So I feel offended when someone say people from where I live are trash basically ,they have moral and value.This terms are not foreign to them.But from what I have red about Islam ,being proud in Islam is not great quality and it’s step away from arrogance.I percieved some pride and so on in this article which made me feel what would a person totally foreign to Islam would feel and would never come to Islam because it would think these people are bunch of prouds and what kidn of good religion would teach them to be like that!I lived as I said in muslim country so I don’t assume anything of course.I love reading about Islam and understand that all of us are human and have our imperfactions even very important people in Islam had their imperfactions,but I just wanted to let you know what I percieved in case you might be unaware .and maybe benefit you!Thank you and peace to you!

    • L. says:

      Just curious. Why don’t we see more posters talking about whether the men are chaste? Or doesn’t that matter? Or does on assume a man is chaste no matter how he dresses?

      • Muttaqi says:

        Not sure what you’re getting at. I mentioned several times in the article about men who have relationships with women before marriage. Besides, your point is irrelevant. This is not about women being chaste or not; it’s about whether it’s advisable to marry non-Muslim women.

        Stay on point.

    • In God I Trust says:

      @ prinseca…i agree with your words, but there are some category mention “WEST”….Religion is a Mankind, In Faith will shall be made well…Everyone in this World is a Sinner. Cast the Stone if you think you’ve not Sin at all…God is not in “Attire” i mean cloths we wear on to cover our Body…the words “there’s nothing new under the sun” have a translation of God see our Nakedness & Secret. Our Father in heaven “God” is not in Cloths we wear, but our God is in our Heart and Blood.God work in our Heart and Blood..let me proof this to you…The Heart and Blood is our Conscience. our Conscience is a playback of the still small voice that told you not to do it in the first place. same conscience is the inner voice that warns us someone is watching, it is the Lord’s searchlight penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive. There is no hell like a bad conscience..in as much i see people having the fear of God and keeping is good will,not the religion Isolation of man-made. i know such person is in the right channel of God will…dont let us educate blunder of hatred to people, instead let preach the gospel of Marvelous of what God have done,what God have instruct us to teach on how we can be in his Kingdom…thanks you and thanks to everyone….my Quotes “We are Nothing, but Pencil in the Hand of the Creator”.

  42. In God I Trust says:

    @ prinseca…i agree with your words, but there are some category mention “WEST”….Religion is a Mankind, In Faith will shall be made well…Everyone in this World is a Sinner. Cast the Stone if you think you’ve not Sin at all…God is not in “Attire” i mean cloths we wear on to cover our Body…the words “there’s nothing new under the sun” have a translation of God see our Nakedness & Secret. Our Father in heaven “God” is not in Cloths we wear, but our God is in our Heart and Blood.God work in our Heart and Blood..let me proof this to you…The Heart and Blood is our Conscience. our Conscience is a playback of the still small voice that told you not to do it in the first place. same conscience is the inner voice that warns us someone is watching, it is the Lord’s searchlight penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive. There is no hell like a bad conscience..in as much i see people having the fear of God and keeping is good will,not the religion Isolation of man-made. i know such person is in the right channel of God will…dont let us educate blunder of hatred to people, instead let preach the gospel of Marvelous of what God have done,what God have instruct us to teach on how we can be in his Kingdom…thanks you and thanks to everyone….my Quotes “We are Nothing, but Pencil in the Hand of the Creator”.

    • jim says:

      Why do Middle Eastern believe in veiling women and men wearing certain clothes or hats? I have never understood why? Was this version of Islam pre Wahhabism or after or a result of? I think the Qruan may have been rewritten by that nut job. Technically if that did occur then Wahhab violated his religion because Muhammed’s original teaching would be the more correct ones because in Islam he is the only prophet and his words are the word of god. Correct me if I am wrong please. I am just trying to figure this out and asked a history teacher that gave me a look of awe, maybe he expected no one to take interest. I did after finding out about Wahhab who to me is a Saudi Arabian Oliver Cromwell.

  43. TLC says:

    Hello – I found this site, and am not sure if my question is relevent but I’d like some input if possible. I was involved with a single 47 year old man from Cairo, Egypt. I am 53 and from the USA. I traveled to Egypt twice, spent thousands of dollars to visit him and stayed well over 2 months each time. The first time, I stayed in a nice hotel and then rented a flat downtown Cairo. All went well! The last time I visited him we married URFI and from that point on it was nothing short of a nightmare. He kept me locked in his flat that he and his Mother live in and did not allow me out, but only 8 times of the two months I was there. When I was allowed out it was ONLY for a few hours and ONLY at night. I was told I MUST wear hijab, could NOT wear any makeup and my clothes had to be big and baggy with NO skin showing. I am attractive, wear little makeup and have always dressed nicely and modestly as this is my character. If I disagreed with him about anything, he would hit me, spit on me, call me nasty names but in the same breath he states how MUCh he loves me! I don’t understand how you can claim to love someone, yet you want to control their every move, change the way they look, and abuse them physically and emotionally and then state they love you. All the while he stated he wants to marry me legally and live in Egypt as he says he can’t get an ID because of taxes he owes? Can anyone help me out with what he means by that? Before I left Egypt in March, he allowed me out for a few hours and when I returned I found several expensive items gone from my suitcase, clothes, make-up, etc. I was in disbelief as I was so kind to bring he and his family gifts, a laptop computer, stainless and 14k gold mans bracelet, video camera, clothes, and very nice cosmetics and perfumes for his Mother and sisters. He broke the laptop in a fit of rage one day and sold all of the other items I gave him. When I asked him about the the items being gone from my suitcase, he told me it was probably the lady who lives downstairs, but I found he was lying. When he had gone to take a shower, I looked around to see if I could find these items and found many in his Mother’s drawer. I was SHOCKED that he could LIE so easily and WHY would he think it’s OK for he or his Mother to steal them from me? YET to this day he will leave messages on my phone wanting me to come back to Egypt and marry him. But FIRST he wants me to send him $300.00 so he can get and I.D. which he says he has to do under the table and needs money for his internet service. Ha! Please understand folks, none of this is going to happen. When I returned to the states, I felt ever so blessed to be away from the nightmare I lived while there. I just don’t understand why he would still keep on leaving me voice messages stating he wants to marry, that he loves me SO much, but before he hangs up he trys to guilt me into sending him money so he can get his I.D. Ha! This is NOT love in my opinion! Mainly I’d like for anyone to give me some insight as to why he was having so MUCH trouble getting and I.D. or the process in Egypt? I never did understand that and frankly just curious at this point. He knows I am not going to marry him now and he knows I don’t have any money, so WHY does he not just move on?

    • In God I Trust says:

      @ TLC…you’ve make the right move by getting back to the state….As i always say in my word…everyone is a sinner….concerning your Egyptian boyfriend, he’s not the right guy for you. He’s after your money. Religion is not a way to believe in God…..the way to believe in God is to keep the God Will, share God love…..

  44. Richard says:

    Hello Abu

    I would like to know why its such a bad thing if you dont embrase Islam?

    I will never return to my old religion and I will never “get” a new religion. I believe in science, freedom among other things.

    So why does it really matter if the parents choose not to let their children study Islam? Just because a book states it? When I read your reply comments, I get so sad to how strong your believes are. That at the day of the death, they will have to answer for not continuing their believes or embrasing Islam.. In my eyes that sounds like indoctrination.
    Why is everyone waiting to die? Everyone, religious, spend all their waking hours preparing for death instead of living.

    I dont believe that any religion should be forced, or chosen, for people to believe in. It HAS to be their choise! You can’t really say that is the case with the Islamic religion now is it? Luckly, that shit (meaning forcing) is dissapearing from other religions, but it’s still very strong in the Islamic religion. I dont know your personally but I take it that you were handed the Quran from the first grade or even earlier than that. So HOW would you know anything else, even if it stood right infront of you?

    I know a muslim woman from Turkey and I have a classmate that is muslim. So I’m not some white ass shit head that has never come in contact with many wonderful parts that this world has to offer. But we are never gonna grow as a race if we continue in the way that religion is forcing people to believe. The woman from Turkey has a boyfriend and we (me and her) communicate by e-mail. She is studying to become a nurse, which I think is very nice. I want women to have more rights in the Islamic world, but sadly, they dont! Deniz (her name) is a very wonderful person and I hope that she will get to live the life she wants to live. I just hope she get to experience it and not being forced into anything she doesnt want to! My classmate is called Bardia and he is so smart! I feel so stupid when he talks! He is very good person and he knows alot (a student that likes knowledge, like physics and mathematics)! I respect him and I hope he has a good life when we depart from our university!

    I found out from a tv-serie that if the Quran falls to the ground is has to be buried. Why is that?

    For the future of the human race, the Islamic countries need to stop using the Quran as the primary source of information. Especially for the children in first grade and up. Do the children in Islamic countries even get to play with colours? Experiment with elements of nature? Explore the countryside that they live in, and experience all the wonders of nature? If Quran is the only information they get then that IS indoctrination!

    Best regards
    Richard

    • I agree no one should be forced to join any religion. That would be counterproductive since faith is an act of…faith.

      No, Muslims don’t force anyone to become Muslim. Maybe there are some extreme examples in Sudan 20 years ago during their civil war. But that doesn’t happen normally. Unfortunately, this comment makes you seem like a “white a** sh** head” who knows nothing about Islam. I’m not saying you are one. But that’s how that comment sounds to most Muslims.

      Women in Islam have equivalent rights to men. Some cultures go too far and are stuck in the industrial or even the middle ages. But Islam itself is not like that.

      Finally, I would advise you not to make what you see in a television show your primary source of Islam.

  45. Richard says:

    Suppression of the freedom of speech.. Well, that just confirms what kind of future Islam will bring to the world.. Thank you for proving my point!

    • This is a privately owned website which is owned and operated by a United States citizen.

      As such, the owner has the right to allow or deny any comments for a variety of reasons, including spreading lies about Islam and encouraging individuals to become involved in heinous and disreputable acts.

      Your comments and opinions have been deemed unworthy of inclusion on this website.

      Your freedom of speech has not been curtailed in the least. Please feel free to visit WordPress.com or Blogger.com, register a free blog under whatever available name you want, and you can spread all the lies about Islam that you desire.

      • Richard says:

        Hello Abu

        Of course, that is the right of the owner of the website. But to sink so low as to call it lies? Give me a single line of text that is actually a lie! The comments of indoctrination was a lie?

        Give me a single school in the Islamic world that doesn’t teach the students the Quran as the primary source of information.

        IF a single school teaches about colours, experiment with elements of nature, explore the countryside, among other things. I will rest my case!

        “..encouraging individuals to become involved in heinous and disreputable acts..” HOW did any of my text encourage individuals to do just that? Enlighten me! You, know my e-mail.. use it, because I really wanna hear your point of views! :)

        Best regards
        Richard

        • http://www.iis.edu.my/ Located in Malaysia.

          Curriculum (copied and pasted from their website):

          Curriculum Offered;
          • Mathematics
          • Science
          • English
          • Intensive English (Grade 3, 4 & 5)
          • Malay Language
          • Arabic
          • Islamic Studies
          • Quran (Iqra’/Tilawah/Tahfiz- different level is offered from Grade 3)
          • Physical Education/Swimming Lessons
          • Art
          • Cambridge ICT (Certificate – Initial Steps)
          • Moral Studies

          Game. Set. Match.

      • jim says:

        Well you have to admit Wahhabism is bringing Islam down along with fruit cake religious zealot crusaders. However not everyone who follows this religion believes in Wahhabism or in religious terror.

  46. B.J. says:

    If your readers are not allowed to make up their own mind, if what we post is not allowed viewing, then you are saying your faith cannot withstand criticism. However, you are blocking more than just criticism, but anything that comes close to the truth to cover up your comments which do not match the word of God. Where is my post?

  47. Jo'El says:

    I feel a better understanding leads to tolerance and compassion. We are ALL variations of a theme, searching for LOVE, Light, and acceptance from others. When maybe we should begin this journey from within. I’ve taken pieces of ALL teachings, and try to be the best HUMAN I can be. Killing in the name of any god is not one I would choose to follow. I know there is a creator, I know it is a divinity of unexplained proportion, I know we are meant to LOVE one another. I hope everyone finds the Light they seek most. Search from within, the rest will follow. LOVE and Light to ALL on their Journey through this wonderful time to be alive!

  48. Ms briganza says:

    May the peace of God be upon you.

    I am a Christian sister currently dating a Muslim brother whom intends to marry me God willing,( this is my very first relationship and we plan on making it work). Extensive research has been done and will continue to be compiled into inter-faith marriages on our part, but we feel like it boils down,to the two people that are in the *nikah. How they work as a team and over come martial problems together, that will obviously be different then any other “normal” marriage and God will never give his children more then what they can handle. Learning about Islam has comes with profound revelations on my part, and as agreed the children would have to be muslim and divorce is not in our vocabulary. Whatever we ask for in faith so it shall be and it is not in my heart to convert but for the sake of unity and my future offspring’s I will adapt where necessary. Your views would be much appreciated.

    (Thank you for reading)

  49. […] course, you might say these African-American Muslim women can marry men from other ethnic groups. That does happen from time to time. But that is not a […]

  50. […] more to cheer about. According to this report, not only do Muslims screw around less, but so do non-Muslims living among […]

  51. […] are a few other things that should go into an Islamic marriage. These things are recommended, but are not […]

  52. […] Muslims how they should treat non-Muslims. Allah is ordering us to be fair and just to people who do not even worship Allah. So how much more important it is for us to be fair and just to fellow […]

  53. Curiosity says:

    I understand, and from many other relationships around the Muslim community we live in its quite evident that mixed marriages do not really work out. However in this case I am discussing a Muslim lady marrying a white man or so on. I personally know of many faulty marriages, that ended up in divorces due to unfamiliar lifestyles and disagreement’s later on etc. Therefore one could never be too sure, especially with different lifestyles and habits. However, If they had converted to Islam? Would there still be disagreements? And the end of yet another broken marriage?

    • jim says:

      It may not work. When the day comes and these religions are no longer then it wouldn’t be as much an issue. The whole thing ith pork is that prior to Islam people did not eat it in the middle east because they do not like pigs. In Europe pigs are a symbol of good luck. That is an example of cultural differences although small. In my opinion if I married a women of hindu or muslim extraction I just wouldn’t have her cook it. Pork has too much sodium content and is not good for you anyway but once and awhile bacon is okay. Just again don’t have her cook it lol. There are many cultural practices that are not acceptable in European culture, eating with your fingers is not polite and generally disrespectful. In the Middle East it is the opposite. There are many small examples of cultural differences. My personal look is that children from these marriages yes take after the father but in my family I noticed the children took after the mother and not the father. All of the females on my mothers side were irish catholics, who converted the men to their religion [the men were Lutherans]. Now my dads side the women were Protestant and the men who came from Ireland converted to Methodist church. Strange but I suppose it may have shone to the women that they loved them and were willing to change their ways?
      Personally after meeting so many Middle Eastern women I can say I know why their culture doesn’t let them marry outside their own. They are very pretty and have warm eyes ; ]

  54. […] A. No you can not. It is not permissible for anyone to have an intimate relationship with someone outside of marriage. And on top of that, it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man. Check out this article on “The Shocking Truth About Mixed Marriages In Islam.” […]

  55. India says:

    I have a Muslim boyfriend and it sucks because Im not a Christian, Jew, or Muslim so I cant marry him.

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