More Lessons Of Love From The 40 Hadith
This is a continuation from a previous post on the same subject. The purpose of these articles is to show how we can apply the statements of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) to our marriages and relationships.
So without much further delay, let’s get right into it.
O young man, I shall teach you some words: Be Mindful of Allah and Allah will protect you. Be Mindful of Allah and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, then ask Allah; and if you seek help, then seek help from Allah. And know that if the Nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, they would not benefit you except with what Allah had already prescribed for you. And if they were to gather together to harm you with anything, they would not harm you except with what Allah had already prescribed against you. The Pens have been lifted and the Pages have dried.
This hadith is especially relevant for those who have experienced difficulties in their marriages.
Too often when we go through the inevitable trials of marriage and love, we want to blame someone.
Perhaps we blame our spouse. Or their family. Or our friends. Maybe we even blame ourselves.
Some people get so down that they may even blame Allah or Islam.
I’ve heard of many stories of Muslims leaving Islam or losing their faith because of a bad relationship. They blame the rules of Islam or blame Muslims for their problems.
As Muslims, we must understand that life is full of trials. We will face them no matter what.
If you are not tried in your marriage, you may be tried in your health. Or perhaps your wealth. Or perhaps your family.
It is important that we accept the Qada (decree) of Allah. No one can take anything away from us that Allah has not ordained.
And no one can give us anything that Allah has not ordained.
We must be patient and put our trust in Allah in all situations.
Verily, from what was learnt by the people from the speech of the Earliest Prophecy is : If you feel no shame, then do as you wish.
Pay careful attention to this hadith.
We live in a world where modesty is shameful and shamelessness is praised. It is nothing to be known as a philanderer and fornicator. Even women are lauded for being sexpots and virtual whores.
Muslim women who wear Hijab are called oppressed while women who flaunt their bodies are called free and liberated.
As Muslims we must remember that the criterion for righteousness was set by Allah and His Messenger (pbuh). We have a duty to protect our modesty and maintain our shame.
You must lower your gaze around people of the opposite gender. You must break your addiction to pornography. You must remember that Allah is watching you at all times.
Otherwise, do whatever you want.
I said : “O Messenger of Allaah, tell me something about al-Islaam which I can ask of no one but you.” He said : “Say: I believe in Allaah – and then be Steadfast”
Even though this hadith is succinct and short, it encapsulates our duty as Muslims.
This can also be applied to your marriage life.
As mentioned earlier, you will be presented with difficulties.
Have faith. Trust in Allah. Do what Allah and His Messenger (pbuh) have instructed you to do.
Don’t give up just because you run into some problems.
And don’t let your problems be an excuse to do wrong. Even when faced with difficulties, you must continue to obey Allah. Be steadfast and know that Allah will help His devout slaves.
O My servants ! I have forbidden oppression for Myself, and I have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another.
This is the opening line of a much longer hadith. But this line is what I really want to focus on.
It can be very easy to oppress our loved ones. Your spouse will give you a certain level of trust. Not just with their feelings and emotions, but also with their finances and possessions.
Unfortunately, sometimes the husband uses his position of authority to oppress his wife. Of course the situation may occur where a wife can oppress her husband. But it is most common and easier for the husband to be the oppressor.
Muslim men must understand that their wives are a trust. Allah has entrusted us with their maintenance and care and we must not violate that trust with oppression and harshness.
O Messenger of Allah, the affluent have made off with the rewards; they pray as we pray, they fast as we fast, and they give [much] in charity by virtue of their wealth.
He (pbuh) said :
Has not Allah made things for you to give in charity? Truly every tasbeehah [saying: subhaan Allah] is a charity, and every takbeerah [saying: Allahu akbar] is a charity, and every tahmeedah [saying: al-hamdu lillaah] is a charity, and every tahleelah [saying: laa ilaaha illaa Allah] is a charity. And commanding the good is a charity, and forbidding an evil is a charity, and in the sexual act of each one of you there is a charity.
They said : O Messenger of Allah, when one of us fulfils his carnal desire will he have some reward for that ?!
He (pbuh) said : Do you not see that if he were to act upon his desire in an unlawful manner then he would be deserving of punishment? Likewise, if he were to act upon it in a lawful manner then he will be deserving of a reward.
This is fairly simple to understand, isn’t it?
Allah is so merciful to us that he has given us multiple ways to earn reward and gain entry into paradise. In fact, even when we have sexual relations with our spouses, we can earn reward.
Therefore, we should not see sex with our spouse as just the relief of carnal desire. Instead, it is a way of getting closer to Allah and being protected from sin.
Righteousness is in good character, and wrongdoing is that which wavers in your soul, and which you dislike people finding out about.
We do crappy stuff to each other too often. We are especially wrong to the ones we love.
It is easy to justify doing wrong to another person. But there is no justification for it.
When confronted with the desire to hurt someone or commit some sin, consult your heart. Check your conscious.
If it doesn’t feel right, then most likely it isn’t. You don’t need more skeletons in your closet.