I do agree with you, it is awful that it still exists in this day and age especially when the quran states not to discriminate against race. I also really would like to avoid upsetting my family but their beliefs are going against everything I understand about Islam.

My dad passed away when I was young so my oldest brother would be my wali. When this man called my brother to discuss marriage my brothers response was “i am not intersted , please do not call me again” without knowing a single thing about him. Other family members have met him including my mother and 2nd eldest brother that went to the mosque with him and had a chat. Not one person has come back to me and said anything bad about him. They are all scared to go against my oldest brother so will not support this marriage unless my older brother allows it. My personally feeling is that he is not fit to be my wali as he is not following the words of Allah. For this reason can i dis obey?

What I need to understand is if it’s my destiny to marry him should I sit back and do nothing? Is there any need to get a sheikh to speak to my oldest brother? Would it just work out somehow or does Allah give us the gift of a sane mind to be proactive and fight for what is right?

Unfortunately, this is the case with many Muslims these days. They are too concerned about tribalism and nationalism and forget about the most important quality for all Muslims and that is Islam and tawheed.

I’m sure your parents want the best for you but they if what you’ve told me is the complete story, then they are not making this judgement based on Islamic principles, but instead on nationalistic principles which are from the Shaytan.

Nationalism and tribalism and racism has done nothing but harm the Muslim world. We can see the tragedy in Somalia where everyone speaks the same language and practices the same faith. Yet they are killing each other because they are in different tribes.

I encourage you to talk to your parents and have other knowledgeable Muslims talk to them also.

I am reluctant to encourage you to disobey your wali (guardian) whom I presume is your father. Instead talk to him and bring him proof that what he is doing is evil and he is preventing you from what may be good.

But be careful. I do not know your situation clearly and it may be that your father sees something in this man that is not good and it may not just be nationalism. So I encourage you to talk to your family and really try to understand what they have against this man.

Put your trust in Allah and make dua to Him. Ask Him for guidance and seek the help of others in your area who are knowledgeable and familiar with the situation.

I do understand that my life is written and if Allah wills me to marry this man then that will happen. What I’m finding it hard to understand is what i do in the process. Will Allah just bring this man to me? I keep talking to my older brothers (my guardians as my dad has passsed away) and they keep telling me to stop going on and trust in Allah.

I can’t understand this please can you help me understand their point of view as it is making me extremley frustrated. I am 32 already and I’m worried that i will never get married and worse still will not be able to have children. They have never brought a suitor to me and I do not feel they even have he interest to do so.

Do you think i will be forgiven if i went out and got married against their will?

Please help

Thank you in advance

YOU are the one who believes a man created the earth because YOU believe God was a man (Jesus).

Muslims don’t believe anything like that.

You are at a serious disadvantage in this discussion because I know Christianity and you obviously don’t know anything about Islam. If you think Muslims believe a man created the earth, then you are starting off on the wrong foot.

Before going any further, I highly suggest you learn more about Islam. Whether you believe in Islam or not is irrelevant at this point; what’s important is that you at least understand what Islam is because right now you sound really uninformed.

Check out this link on Islamic monotheism. It’s a little technical but hopefully it’s not above your head. If it is, I have a free audio called “Islam Simplified” that explains the basics of Islam. If you want to learn about Islam so that we can have an informed discussion, I’ll be happy to email it to you for free.